To my little brother Kevin has thrown himself into the rap game. Now he's doing some beatboxing. Get on his level kiiiiiid.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Phil Davidson - My Inspiration
I heard this guy on Toucher and Rich this morning. You want to talk about inspiration? Wow. I have never been more pumped up to come to work. In fact, I think there is a 97% chance that this guy is my dad. I am going to ask my mom when she comes back from Maine this weekend. Simply put: The dude is a legend. I am not sure how he lost this election. Cue the band.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Blog Is Back - NFL Picks!
I'm bringing the Blog back with my 2010 NFL Predictions. And if you dont like them, well, get your own blog, perform filacio on your parents, and pound sand. Pats suck.
* = WildCard Teams
AFC EAST
1. Miami
2. New York*
3. New England*
4. Buffalo
Wow. Does that look nice? I really believe that Miami will be the winner of this division. I think they are the most underrated team in football, and they are eating up every second of the Jets and Pats going back and forth over who is better. Buffalo will suck for the rest of eternity. I truly believe it. But relax Pats fans. I think they make the playoffs still. They have a brutal schedule, and a terrible defense. Miami at 10-6 wins the division. The Jets finish 10-6, and the Pats are 9-7. Buffalo will be lucky to win 4 games.
AFC SOUTH
1. Indy
2. Houston
3. Tennessee
4. Jacksonville
This division is going to be sneaky good. The AFC as a whole has gotten better, but this division has some sleeper teams. Houston will give the Pats a run for a wildcard spot, but fall short. Tennessee will be there too, but they are going to suffer from facing Indy and Houston twice. Jacksonville could be the best last place team in the NFL.
AFC NORTH
1. Baltimore
2. Pittsburgh
3. Cincinatti
4. Cleveland
Baltimore is my sleeper to be the team to beat in the AFC. I think they are ready to put up BIG numbers on offense, and their defense, though they have lost a step, is still legit. Pittsburgh will suffer from not having Ben for 4 games, Cincy has too many drama queens, and the Browns are the worst franchise in all of sports.
AFC WEST
1. San Diego
2. Oakland
3. Denver
4. Kansas City
San Diego is lucky to be in the worst division in the AFC and second worst division in the NFL (NFC WEST). Oakland will be much better, but still looking at 7-9. Denver and KC are going to battle to get 5 wins. I don't see it happening for both.
AFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Baltimore over New York Jets
NFC EAST
1. Dallas
2. New York
3. Washington
4. Philadelphia
This is a walk in the park for Dallas. I can see 12 wins coming easy. Philadelphia has fallen off without McNabb, though he won't be able to fully save Washington. The Giants are going to be players for a WildCard, but I see them falling just short.
NFC SOUTH
1. New Orleans
2. Atlanta*
3. Carolina
4. Tampa Bay
I think New Oreleans might be the most overrated team. In fact, Atlanta MIGHT win this division. I may eat my words, but at the end of the day, I'll give the crown back to the champs for now. Atlanta will be there though, and definitely make the playoffs. Carolina is around 8-8 and Tampa is 5-11.
NFC NORTH
1. Green Bay
2. Minnesota*
3. Chicago
4. Detroit
Green Bay will have the most explosive offense in football. Aaron Rodgers is a beast, and he has weapons everywhere. Their defense had 30 interceptions last year, and while they wont do that again, they still have the pieces to cause mayhem. Minnesota falls a bit because I refuse to believe that Favre can do what he did last year again. Still good enough for the wild card though.
NFC WEST
1. San Francisco
2. Arizona
3. St. Louis
4. Seattle
The Niners are finally getting the division back this year. Lucky for them, they are in the worst division in football. Though I do believe they can win 10 games, I'm not sure they will. They have a ton of young talent, and maybe its because I am a diehard fan and want them there but I still think they are legit now. The rest of this division sucks. The Rams will be better than Seattle and might get 6 wins.
NFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Green Bay over Dallas
SuperBowl: Green Bay over Baltimore
Celebrate CheeseHeads. Its your year. Be prepared for tons of Lambeu Leaps.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Alejandro Breaks Silence
AP - After months of taking the verbal beating every 45 minutes on every single pop station across the world, Alejandro is firing back.
"It was hurtful," Alejandro said. "She really thinks I called her name? I didn't. She was the one calling my name. Trust me."
Feeling down about life, Alejandro was getting laughed at by regulars, neighbors, friends and even family.
"Have you ever taken a verbal beating, where the pain takes over everything? It caused me to do things I never wanted to do. I was buying cocaine, eating McDonald's on the regular...I would never cheat on Taco Bell before this. Ever. That Gaga...she hurts my feelings. A lot. She used me. That song was me. I should get money for that."
But how does one go about getting back with the one known as Lady Gaga?
"She's not the only one that has Paparazzi now, bitch. Today, I formally signed a contract to play with 2010 offseason champion, Miami Heat," stated Alejandro. "Yeah. I did it. I am going to run the point. I'll have more Twitter followers in no time."
Asked on how he felt his life was going to change, Alejandro simply said: "Well, it will change a little bit. Everyone already knows my name. Now I will show them what I can do. Gaga will miss me. Get ready for her sequal. She cheated on me with Roberto and Fernando. Both are ex-friends of mine. But hell, I don't care anymore. Hermanos antes de Hos."
"It was hurtful," Alejandro said. "She really thinks I called her name? I didn't. She was the one calling my name. Trust me."
Feeling down about life, Alejandro was getting laughed at by regulars, neighbors, friends and even family.
"Have you ever taken a verbal beating, where the pain takes over everything? It caused me to do things I never wanted to do. I was buying cocaine, eating McDonald's on the regular...I would never cheat on Taco Bell before this. Ever. That Gaga...she hurts my feelings. A lot. She used me. That song was me. I should get money for that."
But how does one go about getting back with the one known as Lady Gaga?
"She's not the only one that has Paparazzi now, bitch. Today, I formally signed a contract to play with 2010 offseason champion, Miami Heat," stated Alejandro. "Yeah. I did it. I am going to run the point. I'll have more Twitter followers in no time."
Asked on how he felt his life was going to change, Alejandro simply said: "Well, it will change a little bit. Everyone already knows my name. Now I will show them what I can do. Gaga will miss me. Get ready for her sequal. She cheated on me with Roberto and Fernando. Both are ex-friends of mine. But hell, I don't care anymore. Hermanos antes de Hos."
Monday, July 12, 2010
Everyone Buy this
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Complete and Utter Disgrace
When I heard about this news, I knew it was going to be a blog when I had a second to sit down. This job thing, is destroying my blog. I apologize. I'll be back more often soon enough.
But back to reality. I have to say, I have never been more disappointed with a network more than this (and this includes the ALF season finale. F YOU CBS). Anyway, ESPN is going to have an hour special for LeBron James to announce what team hes playing for next season. And you want to know why? Why Matt? Because hes the King that's why. King James. Yeah. Save it, ESPN.
This is perfect. When I found out LeBron went to ESPN and asked for this, I laughed. Because this is everything I have been saying for months. All these "experts" want to talk about how LeBron is this, LeBron is that. LeBron is a piece of garbage who only cares about himself. He doesn't care about winning a championship. You know why? Because if he really cared about winning a Championship, he'd be signing with the Champs. He'd sign with the LA Lakers for 2 years, and not care about signing for a max contract.
I mean, really. Imagine the Lakers with LeBron, too? You are pretty much getting a ring, as long as Kobe doesn't go down. So, there you go tough guy. Go win in LA. But you won't. And why? Because you want to be a hero.
I can say one thing. If I was a member of the team that he chooses tomorrow night, I may request a trade. The guy is the most conceited, selfish, genuine piece of garbage I have ever seen. I despise him. More than any other athlete. In fact, I really don't HATE athletes. I will root against them, but I don't hate them. I would never, ever, ever, ever root for LeBron James.
The guy signs up on Twitter the other day, and calls himself KingJames, the King of Akron. Go F yourself buddy. That tells me one thing...if you don't sign with the Cavs (and all signs are now pointing that he won't), you are a complete trader. And if you do sign with them, that may be even worse.
LeBron James has known for months where he was going. He knew he would get max money from any team that could possibly offer it. He knew he would have everyone making their "pitch." He has put these fans through an absolute fiasco. And I am SO happy that the Celtics don't have a chance to sign this guy. Because if they did, I wouldn't be able to root for the Celtics, or bare to watch basketball at that point. I really couldn't.
ESPN should be ashamed of what they are doing right now. Not for nothing, and I am the biggest Chris Bosh fan around Massachusetts. Its a fact. I root for Georgia Tech Basketball and they absolutely stink on a consistent basis. He was there for a year, and I always wished him well. BUT, with that said, you cannot turn on ESPN without trying to figure out if Bosh, Wade and LeBron are all going somewhere. How about this....YOU HAVE NO IDEA, so cut it out and stop guessing. Your sources...are the same as our sources. The Internet. So shove it up your ass. I'm just happy Wade and Bosh signed in Miami. Good for the both of you. And thanks for not networking it.
In conclusion, the thing that pisses me off the most is this. We have made excuses for this clown for years. 7 years in the league. No title. I don't want to hear that he hasn't had a team around him. He wanted Mo Williams on the team. He wanted Shaq. He wanted Jamison at the deadline. He wanted Varajeo. He wanted those guys around him. Hell, he wanted Mike Brown fired. He got that. Now you are going to turn on the Cavs? Really, LeBron? Really? And you are the King of Akron? King James? King of what? You never won a damn thing in your life. Hell, your high school team couldn't even win the state title. Some hero you are.
I'm borderline going on strike with ESPN. I'll go to another site to find out what team he chose. Probably twitter. Because it will be there. And the only way I'd ever watch that show tomorrow night at 9, would be if they promised to ask him why he shot 3-14 in Game 5 vs the Celtics, in a 120-88 loss. Why did you completely shut down LeBron? King of Nothing? King of Choke Jobs? King of Yourself. In the last game as a Cav @Cleveland in Game 5, with the series tied at 2, you completely shut down on your team. And didn't do much to help your cause in Game 6, when you were sent packing.
To whatever team signs him tomorrow: Good Luck. You will never win. Team guys win. People who REALLY want championships win (See Kobe, hate him or love him). LeBron James...will never win. Until, he turns the corner and finally gets it. Its about a team, not about yourself. Have fun marketing LBJ buddy. Enjoy it now.
But back to reality. I have to say, I have never been more disappointed with a network more than this (and this includes the ALF season finale. F YOU CBS). Anyway, ESPN is going to have an hour special for LeBron James to announce what team hes playing for next season. And you want to know why? Why Matt? Because hes the King that's why. King James. Yeah. Save it, ESPN.
This is perfect. When I found out LeBron went to ESPN and asked for this, I laughed. Because this is everything I have been saying for months. All these "experts" want to talk about how LeBron is this, LeBron is that. LeBron is a piece of garbage who only cares about himself. He doesn't care about winning a championship. You know why? Because if he really cared about winning a Championship, he'd be signing with the Champs. He'd sign with the LA Lakers for 2 years, and not care about signing for a max contract.
I mean, really. Imagine the Lakers with LeBron, too? You are pretty much getting a ring, as long as Kobe doesn't go down. So, there you go tough guy. Go win in LA. But you won't. And why? Because you want to be a hero.
I can say one thing. If I was a member of the team that he chooses tomorrow night, I may request a trade. The guy is the most conceited, selfish, genuine piece of garbage I have ever seen. I despise him. More than any other athlete. In fact, I really don't HATE athletes. I will root against them, but I don't hate them. I would never, ever, ever, ever root for LeBron James.
The guy signs up on Twitter the other day, and calls himself KingJames, the King of Akron. Go F yourself buddy. That tells me one thing...if you don't sign with the Cavs (and all signs are now pointing that he won't), you are a complete trader. And if you do sign with them, that may be even worse.
LeBron James has known for months where he was going. He knew he would get max money from any team that could possibly offer it. He knew he would have everyone making their "pitch." He has put these fans through an absolute fiasco. And I am SO happy that the Celtics don't have a chance to sign this guy. Because if they did, I wouldn't be able to root for the Celtics, or bare to watch basketball at that point. I really couldn't.
ESPN should be ashamed of what they are doing right now. Not for nothing, and I am the biggest Chris Bosh fan around Massachusetts. Its a fact. I root for Georgia Tech Basketball and they absolutely stink on a consistent basis. He was there for a year, and I always wished him well. BUT, with that said, you cannot turn on ESPN without trying to figure out if Bosh, Wade and LeBron are all going somewhere. How about this....YOU HAVE NO IDEA, so cut it out and stop guessing. Your sources...are the same as our sources. The Internet. So shove it up your ass. I'm just happy Wade and Bosh signed in Miami. Good for the both of you. And thanks for not networking it.
In conclusion, the thing that pisses me off the most is this. We have made excuses for this clown for years. 7 years in the league. No title. I don't want to hear that he hasn't had a team around him. He wanted Mo Williams on the team. He wanted Shaq. He wanted Jamison at the deadline. He wanted Varajeo. He wanted those guys around him. Hell, he wanted Mike Brown fired. He got that. Now you are going to turn on the Cavs? Really, LeBron? Really? And you are the King of Akron? King James? King of what? You never won a damn thing in your life. Hell, your high school team couldn't even win the state title. Some hero you are.
I'm borderline going on strike with ESPN. I'll go to another site to find out what team he chose. Probably twitter. Because it will be there. And the only way I'd ever watch that show tomorrow night at 9, would be if they promised to ask him why he shot 3-14 in Game 5 vs the Celtics, in a 120-88 loss. Why did you completely shut down LeBron? King of Nothing? King of Choke Jobs? King of Yourself. In the last game as a Cav @Cleveland in Game 5, with the series tied at 2, you completely shut down on your team. And didn't do much to help your cause in Game 6, when you were sent packing.
To whatever team signs him tomorrow: Good Luck. You will never win. Team guys win. People who REALLY want championships win (See Kobe, hate him or love him). LeBron James...will never win. Until, he turns the corner and finally gets it. Its about a team, not about yourself. Have fun marketing LBJ buddy. Enjoy it now.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Happy 4th of July
And how do we celebrate that? Well, I drink beers and eat food, and I share with you the funniest thing on the internet. One of my favorite clips of all time:
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
I once rewrote the Titanic (the movie)
Yeah. I was drunk. The Saints just beat the Colts. I was confused as to why we couldn't find the Titanic and noticed it was just starting up on TBS. I re-wrote the whole damn movie...in my own words. I wrote it, how I saw it. If you ever watch this movie and read my version along with it, you will realize how right I am, and how psychotic I am too. Here you go:
Okay, Titanic...The Real Deal.
Scuba Steve and the crew were from the land down under, when they submarined the shit out of the water. They were looking for a necklace, which is complete BS, because there is no way the cost of the necklace was more than the money they were putting in to finding it...just the opinion here. Do you agree?
Anyway, they found a nude painting of Rose who had no nipple because its TBS and she had the necklace on. Then they cut to a scene of a 90 year old woman, later found to be Rose, doing pottery.
Back from commericial break, and Rose wants to see her drawing. She is shutting her eyes and picturing Jack. Rose has just stated that she only wore the necklace once. "It was a heavy thing and I only wore it once." They recovered some stuff, including a mirror of Rose's, a betterfuly penant thing, annnnnnnd now she starts the story. They hit the iceberg on the side, and Rose is validating this theory of a guy that has long hair like Michael McDonald with a smiley face on his t shirt.
Its been 84 years. So I am starting to doubt this thing...so we are listening to a woman who is mostly senial. But heeeeeeeeere we go. May the juice sweeten your mouth.
Joyous, and loving. Everyone is excited as sendoff of the ship is currently going. People waving, children smiling, little did they know what would really occur. Rich bitches with big hats galore,as if we are at the Kentucky Derby, have gathered to see the biggest ship ever seen. Top Hats galore as well. Lets board the ship, shall we? Yes we shall. "Good day sir, good day."
"It was the ship of dreams to everyone else, but to me it was a slave ship, taking me back to America," said and unhappy Rose.
As the boys (jack and friends) play cards (crazy eights) and smoke cigarettes, they decide that someones life is about to change. Jack won. He is going to America, and will board the ship. Here we go. Still at this point, have no idea what the hell is going on with this movie, or why we cant scuba down. Just saying.
Jack so far, very polite, has 7 roommates, as if they are in a prison cell.
As they set up the ship with art, and roses (no pun intended...they really had flowers), the miserable man and Rose have gathered together in the room to argue, and drink scotch. As the sun sets, they have a beautiful image of the ship sailing. West off the coast of Ireland, the ship sailed into the sunny day. FULL SPEED AHEAD. Wheels churning, clocks moving, and they are firing coal into fire? What the hell? Coal runs a ship to keep the wheels churning? Does this really happen in real life? Like, when I took a ferry to Long Island, was someone underneath firing coal into a lava room to make us sail? I dont mean to quote Bernie, or Phil, or Jordan because I dont remember who said it, but "I doubt it."
Jack is watching dolphins in the ocean, however, they are going faster then a ship...which is also not believable. I could be wrong because I've never watched a dolphin swim, but seriously...this is ridiculous. Jack is on top of the bars at the front of the ship screaming, "I am King of the World." No Jack, you are not. You are just at the front of the ship on the railing. Trust me. You are not King of the World. According to Google and Wikipedia, the King of 1912 was King George V
(http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Who_was_the_king_in_1912).
Back to the movie, Bruce has thought of the name of the ship --- the Titantic. Bruce was then told me had a small peen. But he still has a sweet moustache.
Jack is now sketching people. As he is doing this, he sees Rose for the first time, and instantly falls in love. You can tell by the look in his eyes, he will fall in love and ship will sink. having never seen this movie before, or really understanding this...its my first thought. We will see what happens.
Rose is not happy with her life. She is full sprinting in a dress with heels, and there lies Jack. Rose blows by him as she cries, and Jack follows, cigarette in hand. She is at the front of the ship. So help me God...if she says "I am queen of the world" I am going to be angry. Because I'm sure there was a Queen Elizabeth around at this time. Rose is about to commit suicide. My palms are sweaty because I dotn like things like this. "Dont do it," states Jack. Rose and him are arguing. She tells him to stay back , but he doesnt listen. Jack wants her to get back on the ship. Rose yells back, that she will jump. Jack says he is involved and will jump in after her. Rose/Jack having a convo over whether she should kill herself now or not. They are talking about the water temperature. Jack is saying its too cold to kill yourself, so you wont. You wont do it. Challenging her, but at the same time, knowing shes a woman and wont do it. Rose stops crying, and gets back on the ship, per Jack's hand. OR NOT! HOLY CRAP! Rose almost dying. She is hanging on for dear life as she slipped over. Hanging on to a bar, I feel as if we are at the climax of this movie. But, we are not, as Jack saves her. Wow. Tense. Jack has a mushroom haircut, which was the key haircut in 8th grade.
Jack and Cal, the man Rose is about to marry, are arguing. Rose tells him the story that she was leaning over and Jack helped save her. Cal, not happy, cant blame him really because most women are lying cheaters who will screw you over in the matter of seconds, wraps Rose in a blanket and says lets go to bed, clearly wanting to shag. Cal, also hanging with the Monopoly guy, walks away. Jack bums a smoke of some English guy. Not sure what any of this has to do with why we cant scuba, but I guess we find out.
Rose, back oin the room, is given THE DIAMOND PENANT that Michael Moore look-alike was looking for in the beginning. Cal claims it was made by Louie the 16th.He puts it on her. It reminds me of a mix of blue balls and a pearl necklace, only heart shaped and not even close to either. I still think they make love tonight. Just a feeling I have. They dont show it, so we never find out. Only God knows now. Only God knows.
Next morning:
Jack walking on the top dck with Rose. He is wearing suspenders with Curtoroy Pants. Awful outfit really, but who am I to judge? Rose is frustrated with life still. Shes not even wearing the necklace. She thinks Jack is rude for some reason. They are shaking hands. She clearly wants to shake something else. Are you reading this still? If so, please write on my facebook wall this quote: "Matt I am still reading," and add your thoughts of the synopsis part 1. You ask why I put that here: Because its 12:00. 1 hour has gone by. Thank you.
Jack is showing her portraits of his drawings. First woman had hairy armpits. I just threw up in my mouth. So they can show pictures of a woman with hairy armpits, but not nipple? TBS should be ashamed of themselves. They also had one of a ONE LEGGED PROSTITUTE. Officially up there with one of my favorite movies of all time. Unreal. (chang just sneezed. I said God bless you. He said thank you).
Rich bitches and big hats drink tea and eat crumpets. Bruce aka the stache - is discussing the size of the titantic and the speed. He is big on making it known about how great this is, and it can go fast. Starting to feel like Bruce Stache has something to do with the iceberg hit. We will see.
Rose and Jack are clearly flirting at this point. Ship still sailing. I know this woman is like 98 at this point, but its amazing to me that she remembers THIS MUCH, and we believe it enough to write a movie and claim its off a true story. Jack is teaching Rose how to spit off the side of the ship. Cagno, immediately frustrated claims that you are supposed to teach your girlfriend how to swallow, not spit. I concur.
Rose had a mother on the ship. Not sure where she came from. She told her that Jack saved her life. Mother not impressed.
Slickbacked hair Jack, enters the dinner area, Looking for a date, to dance or neck with, he overlooks the scene of the ship from a balcony like view. He walks around, like he has swag, which will allow me to call him Jack Swagger for the rest of the synopsis. This is starting to look like the party that Ace Ventura was at when he was looking for Snowflake the Dolphin, minus the patte being passed around before his bathroom scene.
I'm finding it awkward that Cal(-Ifornia) is never with Rose. Cagno states he thinks Cal is looking for milfs because he is trying to embaress Jack. Not getting it, really. I'll hold off, Maybe I will. I think because hes not rich or something? We will find out soon. Arm and Arm, Jack Swagger and Rose Bush are going to dinner. Jack jokes, people laugh, me and Cagno do not.
Jack states that he is pretty much homeless, and figures lifes a gift that he doesnt waste. They toast: "To making it count" Jack passes a note..."meet me at the clock to suck my cock"...or somethign like that.
Playing Indian like music, with Irish step dancing, and big drums, Jack Swag is now dancing with a girl no older than 6. This guy really is out for anything. Hopefully he doesnt draw her nude. Even I have to draw the line somewhere. Jack invites Rose to dance, and grabs her lower back. He promises the 6 year old she is still his best girl. This guy should be in jail at this point. Jack Swag is tap dancing the HELL out of the floor. Apparantly this guy is not all artiste if you will. Rose says, screw this...dance off. 1912 style. Perfect reason for me to feel like this is the 98 year old woman making shit up.
Arm wrestling contest between two men. You know what bothers me about this stuff...just because they arm wrestle, they make their faces dirty. Like really? I dont get it.
This awful music is still on. Getting more Irish as we go. Donald Trump look alike has entered the scene. Music stops, moving on. Ship still floating, life is good.
Cal and Rose are drinking tea, and honestly...they dont get along. Really, its sickening. They dont even smile. I think shes fallen for Jack Swagger. Showing a bit of cleave, she tells him that she is his fiance, and CAL flippppppppppps out saying she shall honor him. Flips the table, breaks things, threatens her, annnnnnd off he goes. Clearly not an issue as people watch this. Apparantly this is legal in 1912 on ships. Rose immediately cries as he walks away and grips her left breast. The maid comes over and makes sures shes okay. Enter the mother again, as she helps tie Rose's dress again tighter from the back. Rose's mother, a true wench, is really talking down to Rose, acting as if she needs to marry Cal because he has money and its the only way of life. Its reminding me of Ashton Kutcher/Britney Murphy in the film, just married, when Brit's parents dont approve because her dad owns the Lakers and Dodgers and does some other rich guy stuff.
A lot of the random people have beards in this movie.
Apparantly we are in Church? Or something. Quire Class? I'm not sure. Wench and Rose are singing tunes, and Jack Swagger is trying to get in the room. He is getting bounced from there. Trump look alike tries to pay off Jack to get away. He gets escorted by 1st class people and is treated like a 3rd class citizen. He does have a bit extra swag at this point. Cal is going to get mad.
Boy with Yoyo.
Wench wearing a RIDICULOUS Derby cap, and Rose is wearing a butterfuly hair clip (which was given to her in the beginning scene as it was "discovered")
Jack and Rose need to talk. Rose tells him that she loves Cal. Jack says, whatever you are amazing and wonderful. True dbag move. I feel like I am Cal at this point getting fisted by the power of a person not in a relationship trying to steal your girl by saying how great she is and how lovable she is until she believes him. We will see what happens. Oh man, hes touching her face. Shes buying in. Really classy. This bothers me a lot. Like Peter stealing Britney Murphy in the movie Just Married. Can you tell I watched Just Married recently?
Ridiculous hat lunch with Rose and the fam. Rose, staring off into never-neverland is thinking about the Swag/Cal debacle. FINALLY they show the ship sailing. Of course Jack Swag, looking more like Jack Sad is at the Front of the railing. King Louie over here. AND ENTER ROSE. AND ENTER CELINE DION SONG. Rose is told to shut her eyes as Swag stands behind her telling her to trust him. Hes either going to slip it in or throw her off. Nope I was wrong. Instead he is lifting her on the railing and she is spreading her arms like Christ on the Cross. She claims shes flying. She is not flying. She is standing on a railing with her arms spread as Swag holds her. The sky is so pink, its not even a real sky. This movie is more bullshit at this point. I dont even believe the ships at the bottom of the ocean anymore. With My heart will go on background music going on, they smooch. Another cheating whore. She went from flying, to tongue kissing in the matter of seconds. Good luck flying and kissing at the asme time. Not that I've ever done it, but Good luck. Seriously, i dont think you can do it.
Back to 98 year old Rose...stating that is the last time the Titantic ever saw daylight.
Back to 1912, Rose and Swag are in a room talking about Monet and paintings. Fag Swag starts talking about Monet and his work and all the use of colors. I really dont like this scumbag. Hopefully he dies at the end by floating away into the ocean like a homo.
Rose Bush states that she wants to get drawn nude...apparantly this is okay in a woman's mind and not cheating because there is no physical contact. She gives him a dime. I'm pretty sure she is now a legal Prostitute. Off goes the dress, and here we go. OHHHH DADDYYYYYYYY, she has a nice rearend, with the cheeks spread wide, and the crack efficiently placed between the bottom of her spine and the tops of her cheeks. Swag has a huge boner, but will still attempt to draw her. Hes so gay, he is really drawing her. Any other straight guy would have his peen out, mushroom stamping her forehead, but he is focusing on her face. I'd at least draw two circles with a dot in the middle of each one. FINALLY he draws the breast. He isnt even smerking. If he bangs her later, it will be flacid frank and the Exhaling Princess Whore.
I dont like what they just did. They just went from a nude Rose, to a 98 year old hag in the shot of an eye. I feel sick right now. I feel like May Young just stripped nude and I saw her Puppies. Back to Rose...the pic is titled April 12, 1912. Rose then puts her clothes on and goes. Another sign that this guy is not straight.
Cal is talking to some men. He is angry. Cant find her.
Ship at night. Dark. Captain says clear. Rose is not there. Not sure hwo she can tell the story when she is nowhere in site of the captain. More BS. This guy is drinking tea with a lemon. Note that. Because of they hit an iceberg or something...it could be his fault. Trump knocks on the door, Rose hides Swag. Ridiculous. I hope Cal gives him a right cross. They are running from Trump. And here we go. Running from people on the cruise ship is the first sign of a cheating woman. Just like they say, you can never trust a woman, especially with red hair. Shes a dirty Ginger. Ridiculously lying, they are now in some loud room with pipes. All of a sudden they are down with the coal miners and fire pits. They are running through this and enter a steamy room. I have a feeling its about to get a lot more steemy. Well if this guy wasn't gay anyway.
They find a car, with a backseat and glass. Swag opens the door, looking much more straight and interested. Rose gets in the back. Swag sits in the front and pretends hes driving. Rose overpowers him and brings him to the back. I officially hate all women. This movie is not romantic sinking, its about a cheating woman who sinks the ship because of her terrible soul. God crashed this for a reason...of course I bet she lives in the end and he dies. Just the way the world works. They are necking..heavy necking in the back. TBS realizes its TBS and even tho its 12:58 AM, cuts to another scene.
All the sailors and stuff are talking.
Back to the steamy window scene. BAM, there it is. The handprint of awfulness. I have had a lot of sex in my life. Seriously. A good amount for a 25 year old. I have NEVER been this sweaty. She looks like she just got out of the ocean, and he looks as if he was fisted by a gorilla and he is panting like a dog who chased a tennis ball around for 9 straight hours. He lies on her breasts and life is good again. Cant blame him at this point, but hes still a scumbag.
Cal is fully dressed while his fiance is nude in the back of 1912 mitsubishi fuck mobile. Classy. I am going to state that they sunk the ship toegether.
Back to Swag and Rose, frowlicking on the deck. Rose is done with Cal, she tells Swag when the ship docks shes getting off with him, kinda like a gf telling you that she is going to let a kid she has seen twice in 8 years move up to mass from florida with her.
And there it is. "WAKE UP U BASTARDS." ohhh boy. "Iceberg right ahead! ICEBERG RIGHT AHEAD!" Holy Christ. Spin the wheel Pat Sayjack. Get that ish turned or we are going to have a disaster. Start throwing that coal into the fire pit, and spin those wheels. Turn baby turn. This guy spinning the wheel is working 9 times as hard as swag when he was pounding Rose, but is not sweating a drip. Figure it out...really. Go ahead.
As the iceberg nears, the ship is starting to turn left, very close. OH SHIT. IT Hits the side. Mid-kiss, the cheating Rose and Sawg know somethings wrong immediately. People are waking up from sleep. Water is shooting everywhere, and this was a backshadow of Rose in the 1912 mitsubishi as her vulva was expanded by Swag. The Ships side is taken off, and Water is POURING IN. Fire alarms going off, people are swimming as they try to get away. Water crashing in, people yelling, men are grabbing on to anything they can for survival. Other parts of the ship are unaffected at this time. Not everyone knows...disaster is about to strike. More guys with beards talking about life. The bottom scene where the water is pouring in reminds me of Drop Dead Fred when Fred steals the motorhome and plays pirates. Rats are rasing. Ratatouille is in the lead, with Mickey approaching fast. It was a quick scene, but Fival went West and crossed the finish line first.
Jack Swag and Rose enter back to the room holding hands. They are about to tell Cal they F'd and they are together. At least she didnt do this at 830 AM at work. just saying. Cal should throw him off the boat. Instead, Cal tries to set up Jack. I like his style, but he shouldnt do this. Seriously, no need to do this. Shes a jerk and he can do better. Just noticed...Cal definitely gets his eyebrows done. Jack apparantly is getting arrested.
Break out the blueprints. Not sure what they are going to do at this point. But they are breaking out blueprints. Stache Bruce is back! Good to see him. I knew he was going to have a big role in the crash. I have to pee, but cant move for another two hours. Yikes. They know the ship is going to sink. The captain asks how much time. He says an hour or two at MOST. Captain, says "2,200 souls on board sir."
Back to Rose who has sex hair, and Cal SLAPS her in the face, and grabs her arms. A man enters the room and tells them to put on life jackets because they are going to probably die soon. Not really though, he said its probably precaution...little does he know though. The captain is upset they are going down. Mark Ruane is somewhere about to cry and claim popcorn is in his high. And now they are showing the water pouring in again. This is a real process. I never thought it would take 2 hours for a ship to sink. But heres how, I guess...
People working hard to keep the ship afloat. Meanwhile, inside, violins are playing and there is apparantly the prom of 1912 going on....only people are wearing life vests. Chang is headed to sleep. Nothing to do with the movie, but Mother Wench is back in the room, and doesnt care where her daughter is...just wants to make sure shes okay. Rose asks if they hit an iceberg, and random guy says yes, and the ship will sink in an hour or so. She looks worried. Cal, is shocked. They are not allowed to tell anyone, but he says you'll be at the bottom of the Atlantic. Jack Swag is handcuffed to a pole. I think he belongs there, but thats just my call. Captain is around as if hes got all day to keep this ship from sinking. He knows its an hour and done. They are currently preparing to throw small boats into the ocean. I would assume this is to save people.
Only women and children are allowed to board the small boats. Men cannot live. I agree with children but why be sexist? Especially in 1912 when women were worth the same as pennies. Rose, are you telling the truth? I'm sorry for being a doubting Thomas, but its just where my feelings are right now. They have put them in the small boat, and they are lowering the people to the best of their abilities. They are shooting fireworks into the sky. Apparantly its not April 12th and is now the 4th of July. They did this to send a signal I would assume.
They cut to Swag who is still handcuffed to a pole and looking out a small window which shows water at his eye level outside the window. He immediately gets punched in the face and has no defense. That must stink.
Fat Lady giving orders. I can tell you right now, I havent liked her all movie, so I didnt write about her. I think shes the Aunt of Rose. Wench tells Rose to get on the boat, and rose refuses because shes going to go with Swag. Mother shows emotion by telling her to get on the damn boat. She walks away. Cal grabs her and says youre going to a hood rat. She says, "I'd rather be his whore, than your wife." Wow. I mean, FINALLY some honesty here. Well Rose, you have done that. You are his whore. Thats for sure. A whore for sure. And Rose is now looking for Swag. She is informed that hes on the bottom deck, then take a left, a right, a right, a right, a left, a left, a right, a left, and something to do with a coridor. She of course will find him because thats the way movies work, and the 98 year old senial Rose probably had to go down one flight of stairs and to the left to find him.
Taking the elevator down, Water crashes in. they get off. Rose is knee high in water as it continues to poor in. The Drama is rising, and Swag is still handcuffed. He is also knee deep. Rose starts yelling for Jack, and finds him. Apologizes and makes out with him. Jack tells her where the key is...of course there are 292,484 keys in there, but of course she'll find it. Swag tells her to go get help and he'll wait there. No shit shirlock, because ur handcuffed to a damn pole. Rose is now somehow out of water on the same floor but is looking for help.
Power goes out. Oh sweet sassy molassy. Heavy panting from Rose. Oh lights back on. How fitting. Rose punches some guy in the nose because he is trying to save himself. God forbid apparantly you try to run like hell and get away. Rose finds a random ax. Really, an ax? She enters downstairs and will have to swim to find Swag. She can barely enter the floor because the water is so high. Drama anyone? She is going to hammer the handcuffs off.
Swag trusts her to do this. How could you trust this cheating woman to do anything. Really. I just dont know. Of course, one swing and hes loose.
Fireworks are off. The backend of the ship is in the water. The front is airborn. People are filing onto the boats. Families are separated. Sad times at this. Cal is extremely frustrated looking for his woman. I really dont know why. I'd jump on a boat and peace her out. Actually I wouldnt. Who am I kidding?
Men are rushing trying to get on, and now....fist fights. Why are their fist fights? You are all about to die seriously, and fist fights. Guns being pulled and more axes. Wow. 1912 was crazy. Jack Swag apparantly knows all the back end stairwells. He is attempting to break through the gate. with a bench he ripped off the wall. Mission accomplished. Anddddd here we go. People are jumping. Little do they know its only 1:48 and they wont officially sink til about 2:53.Cops are pulling guns at the top, and I am not sure why. Apparantly trying to save yourself is not okay. This is so frigan confusing. Boats are lowering, and ropes are being cut. FIRE! Guns gone wild. Rose and Swag have got to the top deck, but the boats are sailing away. Keep playing that violin young chap. Some Orpheus is chosen for the next song.
"WOMEN AND CHILDREN ONLY," we are scolded. I have to wonder what is going on in Cal's head. Cal is told that Swag and Rose are looking for a boat on the other side of the ship. He has an oppurtunity to get on a boat, and he passes. Amazing act of courage. Just get on the boat man. Its bad enough. Dont do this to yourself.
The 6 year old that Swag said was his favorite girl has been placed on the boat with her ragaty anne doll. Rose GET ON THE BOAT. Cal comes over. Pushes Jack. He puts his coat on her, and Jack comes in and Cal acts like they are teammates. They both tell Rose to get on board. She gets on. Swag and Cal are talking about who is the better liar. Rose, confused and upset, looks frantically towards Jack as if she will never see his baby bottom face again. Cal looks at her like he hopes she freezes to death. Enter Celine music again. Rose says F this. Jumps out of the boat and back to the ship. She cannot live without Jack the Survivor who wont survive later. I'm not sure I can watch great films like Catch Me if You Can, Gang's of New York, The Beach or Don's Plum. Cal now has a gun and tires to shoot Rose or Jack. Poor guy is heartbroken but really...what is shooting them going to do for you? You are all going to die on the boat, and this is the worst thing ever.
Cal just realized he put a diamond in his coat pocket...but he put the coat on her. AWFUL. Swag and Rose find a young child crying and they are going to help him out. They get him, two seconds later, his father realizes he has a child, finds him and well they are found. Water bursts through the walls and I feel like Y2J's music should be playing. BREAK THE WALLLLLLLS DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unfortunately Rose is wearing too many colors to be see through at this point. Though they have swam to safety and trapped by the gate. Someone unlocks them....Why are the gates locked? Seriously, is there really even a ship? Its just foolish how made up all this is. I hate to disrespect the real victims of this, but can we think for a second...are we really going to listen to a 98 year old woman tell us she was a complete whore and a liar, and we shall believe anything she states about this event?
Anyway, keys are dropped they are underwater for 7-8 minutes searching for the key. Of course they find it. I mean, why wouldnt they. Back to the top they go. A boat just fell on people, water is rising, my hands are on fire from typing and Cal has finally decided that his life is more important to himself then anything else. I think.
People are now swinging from ropes into the ocean. Must be cold. This really stinks. Cal tries to offer money to get on a boat. He gets that thrown at him. A man is literally shot for trying to get on the boat. Thaaaaaaaaaaats real nice. One guy with a gun, 293,484 people trying to get on...yet they all listen. Its like a cop on the side of a highway and EVERYONE decides they need to go down slow.
Back to the movie, boats keep falling on people. Its a bit nutty. Children are crying. Cal is a father figure to him.
Rose and Swag are running through the boat.
The captain is offered a life vest, and he refuses. He says, you know what, if this ish goes down, then I will not abandon. He shuts the door and goes in. He is sinking with the ship. The violin players hug and go their separate ways. Might as well play Con Te Patiro at this point. Now that I think of it, how the hell are they playing My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion in 1912?
Thereeeeeeeeee they are. The old couple on the bed. Ruane...needs...tissues. Woman praying with her children as they sleep. This is starting to get depressing. Seriously. I feel bad. Violin guy jamming out, boat is 87.57% in the water. I've learned nothing about water pressure being too strong to pick the boat up.
People are hanging on to ropes, pianos, tables, other human beings, anything to stay alive at this point. We need Jim Ross to comentate this movie at this point. Because the water just crashed in through the windows where the captain is located. Can you picture it? "GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, THE WATER HAS BROKEN IN, AND ITS KILLED HIM. THE SHIP IS FULL OF CARNAGE."
Cagno points out that the music has changed from we are about to die, to action...save ur life.
Rose and Swag, welcome back. After all you are the focal point. HUGE BEAM FALLS ON hundreds. Good luck. That has to be one of the worst ways to go. Smashed Skull by a HUGE beam. Actually this whole thing...has to be the worst way to die.
Inside of the ship is completely destroyed. People are running to the top to stay dry. Others said, F it, and are jumping. Hail Mary is being said. Swag pulling Rose to the top, climbs over the railing and brings Rose with him. He thinks this is the Pirate Ship at Canobee Lake. Let me tell you, its not.
Rose: "Jack this is where we first met." Yes, Rose and thats probably where you will last see him.
Floating bodies int he water, and plates smashing. Man falls off and drills the propella. That one has GOT to hurt. Guy takes out a flask. Debating jumping.
Power is now gone from the boat. I wonder if it'll go back on. Boat is about to split in half as it sinks. I no longer think the power will go back on. Apparantly these two are wearing seatbelts bc they have the strength to hold on and watch the ride, while everyone falls to their death. For the love of God.
Wait for it...Wait for it......
The Titanic has officially sunk. Now, as a boat is sinking you would think this would cause people to go to the bottom. Nope. These two stay afloat. I guess because of the life jacket, but thats some mean pressure to deal with.
Entering the last half hour...Also known as the Final Chapter... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOvTzMktMfE
Rose swimming frantically looking for swag. Cant find him as another man tries to hang on to her for dear life. Swag out of nowhere, punches the dude in the face. This guy really is a hero among us. Call the Celtics. Halftime will never be the same.
They found a side of the boat or a door or something. Rose gets on. Swag stays in the water, to let half his bottom freeze. This guy is blowing his whistle and immediately makes me think of Blow my Whistle B*tch. People screaming looking for boats. Leader of the boat says, we cannot go back we will get swarmed by the people in the ocean. We will not survive.
Its getting quiet, Rose points out. That usually happens when people die in the ocean. Swag is shivering so bad he is not understandable. Not sure if thats a word. They both claim to love eachother, tho knowing eachother for about 48 hours. Then again, they already have more memories in two days then me and some of my ex gfs. Swag gives her confidence shes not going to die.
This is one of the worst conversations of all time. Never let go, ever. Eventually you have to let go...whether you die or live. You cannot go through life holding someones hand forever. You wont get a job.
One boat went back looking for survivors. Rose seems to be the only one. As they float through dead frozen people, I am creeped out. I hope that woman they just showed was a blow up doll because that was really disgusting and freaky. I dont ever want to go this way. Seriously. Rose is sleeping on the door, Jack is dead but holding her hand. Rose is singing, and her hair is frozen. This is really disturbing. She just found out Jack is dead. The boat is going by and she is trying to get them to track them down. After stating Jack at least 348 times, seriously, she finally accepts that he is dead. Sad moment. I wish she said Jack like 3 or 4 times though. Rose decides now the boat has gone by shes going to yell to the boat. She then says i'll never let go, and immediately drops him to drown into the ocean. She gets a magic whistle from the castle in World 1 in Mario 3.
They cut to 98 year old Rose. Shes giving statistical data on how many people died and all that stuff. Only 1 boat came back. the crowd is in tears. The more I think of it, Vince McMahon should run the World. Imagine that? Really. You wouldnt know WHAT to believe.
BRUCE STACHE HAS LIVED! Not sure how Rose has a warm dry blanket, but they cut to the next morning and they get on another boat.
On the other boat, Rose sees Cal, but lets him go. She informs others that he got married. Cal looking for his diamond walks away, sadly. He killed himself in 1929. Now its raining, and they are standing outside. I think I'd go inside, really. At this point. Rose claims her last name is Dawson, which was Jack's last name. Jack passed, and Rose said she hadn't spoken about Swag since he died. Jack saved Rose in every way that a person can be saved. She doesnt even have a picture of him, and he is just in her memory. Old Rose is on a boat and at the front of the railing standing up. Clearly not safe for her at this point. she has the Necklace in hand, and decides to release it and set it free into the ocean. Should have had Rod Stewart end this one with FOREVER YOUNG. Instead, they show a bunch of pictures of her trying to be Marilyn Monroe, and again...My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion. Dead or Dreaming, she sees Swag again, and shes young. Its the only way to go. They kiss, people clap, Well, everyone except Cal. I'm officially crazy after this last 4 hours and refuse to go to sleep until I watch this again, and rewrite my feelings.
I dont know or understand why you cannot see the titantic today. I get it. Its underground. Far underground. But we should at this point be able to pick the boat up and see some stuff. Afterall, we have HDTV, Lazer surgeries, and Snuggies. Moral of this story: Your best chance of surviving the Titanic was if you had money.
Goodnight Moon.
Love,
Matt
Okay, Titanic...The Real Deal.Scuba Steve and the crew were from the land down under, when they submarined the shit out of the water. They were looking for a necklace, which is complete BS, because there is no way the cost of the necklace was more than the money they were putting in to finding it...just the opinion here. Do you agree?
Anyway, they found a nude painting of Rose who had no nipple because its TBS and she had the necklace on. Then they cut to a scene of a 90 year old woman, later found to be Rose, doing pottery.
Back from commericial break, and Rose wants to see her drawing. She is shutting her eyes and picturing Jack. Rose has just stated that she only wore the necklace once. "It was a heavy thing and I only wore it once." They recovered some stuff, including a mirror of Rose's, a betterfuly penant thing, annnnnnnd now she starts the story. They hit the iceberg on the side, and Rose is validating this theory of a guy that has long hair like Michael McDonald with a smiley face on his t shirt.
Its been 84 years. So I am starting to doubt this thing...so we are listening to a woman who is mostly senial. But heeeeeeeeere we go. May the juice sweeten your mouth.
Joyous, and loving. Everyone is excited as sendoff of the ship is currently going. People waving, children smiling, little did they know what would really occur. Rich bitches with big hats galore,as if we are at the Kentucky Derby, have gathered to see the biggest ship ever seen. Top Hats galore as well. Lets board the ship, shall we? Yes we shall. "Good day sir, good day."
"It was the ship of dreams to everyone else, but to me it was a slave ship, taking me back to America," said and unhappy Rose.
As the boys (jack and friends) play cards (crazy eights) and smoke cigarettes, they decide that someones life is about to change. Jack won. He is going to America, and will board the ship. Here we go. Still at this point, have no idea what the hell is going on with this movie, or why we cant scuba down. Just saying.
Jack so far, very polite, has 7 roommates, as if they are in a prison cell.
As they set up the ship with art, and roses (no pun intended...they really had flowers), the miserable man and Rose have gathered together in the room to argue, and drink scotch. As the sun sets, they have a beautiful image of the ship sailing. West off the coast of Ireland, the ship sailed into the sunny day. FULL SPEED AHEAD. Wheels churning, clocks moving, and they are firing coal into fire? What the hell? Coal runs a ship to keep the wheels churning? Does this really happen in real life? Like, when I took a ferry to Long Island, was someone underneath firing coal into a lava room to make us sail? I dont mean to quote Bernie, or Phil, or Jordan because I dont remember who said it, but "I doubt it."
Jack is watching dolphins in the ocean, however, they are going faster then a ship...which is also not believable. I could be wrong because I've never watched a dolphin swim, but seriously...this is ridiculous. Jack is on top of the bars at the front of the ship screaming, "I am King of the World." No Jack, you are not. You are just at the front of the ship on the railing. Trust me. You are not King of the World. According to Google and Wikipedia, the King of 1912 was King George V
(http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Who_was_the_king_in_1912).
Back to the movie, Bruce has thought of the name of the ship --- the Titantic. Bruce was then told me had a small peen. But he still has a sweet moustache.
Jack is now sketching people. As he is doing this, he sees Rose for the first time, and instantly falls in love. You can tell by the look in his eyes, he will fall in love and ship will sink. having never seen this movie before, or really understanding this...its my first thought. We will see what happens.
Rose is not happy with her life. She is full sprinting in a dress with heels, and there lies Jack. Rose blows by him as she cries, and Jack follows, cigarette in hand. She is at the front of the ship. So help me God...if she says "I am queen of the world" I am going to be angry. Because I'm sure there was a Queen Elizabeth around at this time. Rose is about to commit suicide. My palms are sweaty because I dotn like things like this. "Dont do it," states Jack. Rose and him are arguing. She tells him to stay back , but he doesnt listen. Jack wants her to get back on the ship. Rose yells back, that she will jump. Jack says he is involved and will jump in after her. Rose/Jack having a convo over whether she should kill herself now or not. They are talking about the water temperature. Jack is saying its too cold to kill yourself, so you wont. You wont do it. Challenging her, but at the same time, knowing shes a woman and wont do it. Rose stops crying, and gets back on the ship, per Jack's hand. OR NOT! HOLY CRAP! Rose almost dying. She is hanging on for dear life as she slipped over. Hanging on to a bar, I feel as if we are at the climax of this movie. But, we are not, as Jack saves her. Wow. Tense. Jack has a mushroom haircut, which was the key haircut in 8th grade.
Jack and Cal, the man Rose is about to marry, are arguing. Rose tells him the story that she was leaning over and Jack helped save her. Cal, not happy, cant blame him really because most women are lying cheaters who will screw you over in the matter of seconds, wraps Rose in a blanket and says lets go to bed, clearly wanting to shag. Cal, also hanging with the Monopoly guy, walks away. Jack bums a smoke of some English guy. Not sure what any of this has to do with why we cant scuba, but I guess we find out.
Rose, back oin the room, is given THE DIAMOND PENANT that Michael Moore look-alike was looking for in the beginning. Cal claims it was made by Louie the 16th.He puts it on her. It reminds me of a mix of blue balls and a pearl necklace, only heart shaped and not even close to either. I still think they make love tonight. Just a feeling I have. They dont show it, so we never find out. Only God knows now. Only God knows.
Next morning:
Jack walking on the top dck with Rose. He is wearing suspenders with Curtoroy Pants. Awful outfit really, but who am I to judge? Rose is frustrated with life still. Shes not even wearing the necklace. She thinks Jack is rude for some reason. They are shaking hands. She clearly wants to shake something else. Are you reading this still? If so, please write on my facebook wall this quote: "Matt I am still reading," and add your thoughts of the synopsis part 1. You ask why I put that here: Because its 12:00. 1 hour has gone by. Thank you.
Jack is showing her portraits of his drawings. First woman had hairy armpits. I just threw up in my mouth. So they can show pictures of a woman with hairy armpits, but not nipple? TBS should be ashamed of themselves. They also had one of a ONE LEGGED PROSTITUTE. Officially up there with one of my favorite movies of all time. Unreal. (chang just sneezed. I said God bless you. He said thank you).
Rich bitches and big hats drink tea and eat crumpets. Bruce aka the stache - is discussing the size of the titantic and the speed. He is big on making it known about how great this is, and it can go fast. Starting to feel like Bruce Stache has something to do with the iceberg hit. We will see.
Rose and Jack are clearly flirting at this point. Ship still sailing. I know this woman is like 98 at this point, but its amazing to me that she remembers THIS MUCH, and we believe it enough to write a movie and claim its off a true story. Jack is teaching Rose how to spit off the side of the ship. Cagno, immediately frustrated claims that you are supposed to teach your girlfriend how to swallow, not spit. I concur.
Rose had a mother on the ship. Not sure where she came from. She told her that Jack saved her life. Mother not impressed.
Slickbacked hair Jack, enters the dinner area, Looking for a date, to dance or neck with, he overlooks the scene of the ship from a balcony like view. He walks around, like he has swag, which will allow me to call him Jack Swagger for the rest of the synopsis. This is starting to look like the party that Ace Ventura was at when he was looking for Snowflake the Dolphin, minus the patte being passed around before his bathroom scene.
I'm finding it awkward that Cal(-Ifornia) is never with Rose. Cagno states he thinks Cal is looking for milfs because he is trying to embaress Jack. Not getting it, really. I'll hold off, Maybe I will. I think because hes not rich or something? We will find out soon. Arm and Arm, Jack Swagger and Rose Bush are going to dinner. Jack jokes, people laugh, me and Cagno do not.
Jack states that he is pretty much homeless, and figures lifes a gift that he doesnt waste. They toast: "To making it count" Jack passes a note..."meet me at the clock to suck my cock"...or somethign like that.
Playing Indian like music, with Irish step dancing, and big drums, Jack Swag is now dancing with a girl no older than 6. This guy really is out for anything. Hopefully he doesnt draw her nude. Even I have to draw the line somewhere. Jack invites Rose to dance, and grabs her lower back. He promises the 6 year old she is still his best girl. This guy should be in jail at this point. Jack Swag is tap dancing the HELL out of the floor. Apparantly this guy is not all artiste if you will. Rose says, screw this...dance off. 1912 style. Perfect reason for me to feel like this is the 98 year old woman making shit up.
Arm wrestling contest between two men. You know what bothers me about this stuff...just because they arm wrestle, they make their faces dirty. Like really? I dont get it.
This awful music is still on. Getting more Irish as we go. Donald Trump look alike has entered the scene. Music stops, moving on. Ship still floating, life is good.
Cal and Rose are drinking tea, and honestly...they dont get along. Really, its sickening. They dont even smile. I think shes fallen for Jack Swagger. Showing a bit of cleave, she tells him that she is his fiance, and CAL flippppppppppps out saying she shall honor him. Flips the table, breaks things, threatens her, annnnnnd off he goes. Clearly not an issue as people watch this. Apparantly this is legal in 1912 on ships. Rose immediately cries as he walks away and grips her left breast. The maid comes over and makes sures shes okay. Enter the mother again, as she helps tie Rose's dress again tighter from the back. Rose's mother, a true wench, is really talking down to Rose, acting as if she needs to marry Cal because he has money and its the only way of life. Its reminding me of Ashton Kutcher/Britney Murphy in the film, just married, when Brit's parents dont approve because her dad owns the Lakers and Dodgers and does some other rich guy stuff.
A lot of the random people have beards in this movie.
Apparantly we are in Church? Or something. Quire Class? I'm not sure. Wench and Rose are singing tunes, and Jack Swagger is trying to get in the room. He is getting bounced from there. Trump look alike tries to pay off Jack to get away. He gets escorted by 1st class people and is treated like a 3rd class citizen. He does have a bit extra swag at this point. Cal is going to get mad.
Boy with Yoyo.
Wench wearing a RIDICULOUS Derby cap, and Rose is wearing a butterfuly hair clip (which was given to her in the beginning scene as it was "discovered")
Jack and Rose need to talk. Rose tells him that she loves Cal. Jack says, whatever you are amazing and wonderful. True dbag move. I feel like I am Cal at this point getting fisted by the power of a person not in a relationship trying to steal your girl by saying how great she is and how lovable she is until she believes him. We will see what happens. Oh man, hes touching her face. Shes buying in. Really classy. This bothers me a lot. Like Peter stealing Britney Murphy in the movie Just Married. Can you tell I watched Just Married recently?
Ridiculous hat lunch with Rose and the fam. Rose, staring off into never-neverland is thinking about the Swag/Cal debacle. FINALLY they show the ship sailing. Of course Jack Swag, looking more like Jack Sad is at the Front of the railing. King Louie over here. AND ENTER ROSE. AND ENTER CELINE DION SONG. Rose is told to shut her eyes as Swag stands behind her telling her to trust him. Hes either going to slip it in or throw her off. Nope I was wrong. Instead he is lifting her on the railing and she is spreading her arms like Christ on the Cross. She claims shes flying. She is not flying. She is standing on a railing with her arms spread as Swag holds her. The sky is so pink, its not even a real sky. This movie is more bullshit at this point. I dont even believe the ships at the bottom of the ocean anymore. With My heart will go on background music going on, they smooch. Another cheating whore. She went from flying, to tongue kissing in the matter of seconds. Good luck flying and kissing at the asme time. Not that I've ever done it, but Good luck. Seriously, i dont think you can do it.
Back to 98 year old Rose...stating that is the last time the Titantic ever saw daylight.
Back to 1912, Rose and Swag are in a room talking about Monet and paintings. Fag Swag starts talking about Monet and his work and all the use of colors. I really dont like this scumbag. Hopefully he dies at the end by floating away into the ocean like a homo.
Rose Bush states that she wants to get drawn nude...apparantly this is okay in a woman's mind and not cheating because there is no physical contact. She gives him a dime. I'm pretty sure she is now a legal Prostitute. Off goes the dress, and here we go. OHHHH DADDYYYYYYYY, she has a nice rearend, with the cheeks spread wide, and the crack efficiently placed between the bottom of her spine and the tops of her cheeks. Swag has a huge boner, but will still attempt to draw her. Hes so gay, he is really drawing her. Any other straight guy would have his peen out, mushroom stamping her forehead, but he is focusing on her face. I'd at least draw two circles with a dot in the middle of each one. FINALLY he draws the breast. He isnt even smerking. If he bangs her later, it will be flacid frank and the Exhaling Princess Whore.
I dont like what they just did. They just went from a nude Rose, to a 98 year old hag in the shot of an eye. I feel sick right now. I feel like May Young just stripped nude and I saw her Puppies. Back to Rose...the pic is titled April 12, 1912. Rose then puts her clothes on and goes. Another sign that this guy is not straight.
Cal is talking to some men. He is angry. Cant find her.
Ship at night. Dark. Captain says clear. Rose is not there. Not sure hwo she can tell the story when she is nowhere in site of the captain. More BS. This guy is drinking tea with a lemon. Note that. Because of they hit an iceberg or something...it could be his fault. Trump knocks on the door, Rose hides Swag. Ridiculous. I hope Cal gives him a right cross. They are running from Trump. And here we go. Running from people on the cruise ship is the first sign of a cheating woman. Just like they say, you can never trust a woman, especially with red hair. Shes a dirty Ginger. Ridiculously lying, they are now in some loud room with pipes. All of a sudden they are down with the coal miners and fire pits. They are running through this and enter a steamy room. I have a feeling its about to get a lot more steemy. Well if this guy wasn't gay anyway.
They find a car, with a backseat and glass. Swag opens the door, looking much more straight and interested. Rose gets in the back. Swag sits in the front and pretends hes driving. Rose overpowers him and brings him to the back. I officially hate all women. This movie is not romantic sinking, its about a cheating woman who sinks the ship because of her terrible soul. God crashed this for a reason...of course I bet she lives in the end and he dies. Just the way the world works. They are necking..heavy necking in the back. TBS realizes its TBS and even tho its 12:58 AM, cuts to another scene.
All the sailors and stuff are talking.
Back to the steamy window scene. BAM, there it is. The handprint of awfulness. I have had a lot of sex in my life. Seriously. A good amount for a 25 year old. I have NEVER been this sweaty. She looks like she just got out of the ocean, and he looks as if he was fisted by a gorilla and he is panting like a dog who chased a tennis ball around for 9 straight hours. He lies on her breasts and life is good again. Cant blame him at this point, but hes still a scumbag.
Cal is fully dressed while his fiance is nude in the back of 1912 mitsubishi fuck mobile. Classy. I am going to state that they sunk the ship toegether.
Back to Swag and Rose, frowlicking on the deck. Rose is done with Cal, she tells Swag when the ship docks shes getting off with him, kinda like a gf telling you that she is going to let a kid she has seen twice in 8 years move up to mass from florida with her.
And there it is. "WAKE UP U BASTARDS." ohhh boy. "Iceberg right ahead! ICEBERG RIGHT AHEAD!" Holy Christ. Spin the wheel Pat Sayjack. Get that ish turned or we are going to have a disaster. Start throwing that coal into the fire pit, and spin those wheels. Turn baby turn. This guy spinning the wheel is working 9 times as hard as swag when he was pounding Rose, but is not sweating a drip. Figure it out...really. Go ahead.
As the iceberg nears, the ship is starting to turn left, very close. OH SHIT. IT Hits the side. Mid-kiss, the cheating Rose and Sawg know somethings wrong immediately. People are waking up from sleep. Water is shooting everywhere, and this was a backshadow of Rose in the 1912 mitsubishi as her vulva was expanded by Swag. The Ships side is taken off, and Water is POURING IN. Fire alarms going off, people are swimming as they try to get away. Water crashing in, people yelling, men are grabbing on to anything they can for survival. Other parts of the ship are unaffected at this time. Not everyone knows...disaster is about to strike. More guys with beards talking about life. The bottom scene where the water is pouring in reminds me of Drop Dead Fred when Fred steals the motorhome and plays pirates. Rats are rasing. Ratatouille is in the lead, with Mickey approaching fast. It was a quick scene, but Fival went West and crossed the finish line first.
Jack Swag and Rose enter back to the room holding hands. They are about to tell Cal they F'd and they are together. At least she didnt do this at 830 AM at work. just saying. Cal should throw him off the boat. Instead, Cal tries to set up Jack. I like his style, but he shouldnt do this. Seriously, no need to do this. Shes a jerk and he can do better. Just noticed...Cal definitely gets his eyebrows done. Jack apparantly is getting arrested.
Break out the blueprints. Not sure what they are going to do at this point. But they are breaking out blueprints. Stache Bruce is back! Good to see him. I knew he was going to have a big role in the crash. I have to pee, but cant move for another two hours. Yikes. They know the ship is going to sink. The captain asks how much time. He says an hour or two at MOST. Captain, says "2,200 souls on board sir."
Back to Rose who has sex hair, and Cal SLAPS her in the face, and grabs her arms. A man enters the room and tells them to put on life jackets because they are going to probably die soon. Not really though, he said its probably precaution...little does he know though. The captain is upset they are going down. Mark Ruane is somewhere about to cry and claim popcorn is in his high. And now they are showing the water pouring in again. This is a real process. I never thought it would take 2 hours for a ship to sink. But heres how, I guess...
People working hard to keep the ship afloat. Meanwhile, inside, violins are playing and there is apparantly the prom of 1912 going on....only people are wearing life vests. Chang is headed to sleep. Nothing to do with the movie, but Mother Wench is back in the room, and doesnt care where her daughter is...just wants to make sure shes okay. Rose asks if they hit an iceberg, and random guy says yes, and the ship will sink in an hour or so. She looks worried. Cal, is shocked. They are not allowed to tell anyone, but he says you'll be at the bottom of the Atlantic. Jack Swag is handcuffed to a pole. I think he belongs there, but thats just my call. Captain is around as if hes got all day to keep this ship from sinking. He knows its an hour and done. They are currently preparing to throw small boats into the ocean. I would assume this is to save people.
Only women and children are allowed to board the small boats. Men cannot live. I agree with children but why be sexist? Especially in 1912 when women were worth the same as pennies. Rose, are you telling the truth? I'm sorry for being a doubting Thomas, but its just where my feelings are right now. They have put them in the small boat, and they are lowering the people to the best of their abilities. They are shooting fireworks into the sky. Apparantly its not April 12th and is now the 4th of July. They did this to send a signal I would assume.
They cut to Swag who is still handcuffed to a pole and looking out a small window which shows water at his eye level outside the window. He immediately gets punched in the face and has no defense. That must stink.
Fat Lady giving orders. I can tell you right now, I havent liked her all movie, so I didnt write about her. I think shes the Aunt of Rose. Wench tells Rose to get on the boat, and rose refuses because shes going to go with Swag. Mother shows emotion by telling her to get on the damn boat. She walks away. Cal grabs her and says youre going to a hood rat. She says, "I'd rather be his whore, than your wife." Wow. I mean, FINALLY some honesty here. Well Rose, you have done that. You are his whore. Thats for sure. A whore for sure. And Rose is now looking for Swag. She is informed that hes on the bottom deck, then take a left, a right, a right, a right, a left, a left, a right, a left, and something to do with a coridor. She of course will find him because thats the way movies work, and the 98 year old senial Rose probably had to go down one flight of stairs and to the left to find him.
Taking the elevator down, Water crashes in. they get off. Rose is knee high in water as it continues to poor in. The Drama is rising, and Swag is still handcuffed. He is also knee deep. Rose starts yelling for Jack, and finds him. Apologizes and makes out with him. Jack tells her where the key is...of course there are 292,484 keys in there, but of course she'll find it. Swag tells her to go get help and he'll wait there. No shit shirlock, because ur handcuffed to a damn pole. Rose is now somehow out of water on the same floor but is looking for help.
Power goes out. Oh sweet sassy molassy. Heavy panting from Rose. Oh lights back on. How fitting. Rose punches some guy in the nose because he is trying to save himself. God forbid apparantly you try to run like hell and get away. Rose finds a random ax. Really, an ax? She enters downstairs and will have to swim to find Swag. She can barely enter the floor because the water is so high. Drama anyone? She is going to hammer the handcuffs off.
Swag trusts her to do this. How could you trust this cheating woman to do anything. Really. I just dont know. Of course, one swing and hes loose.
Fireworks are off. The backend of the ship is in the water. The front is airborn. People are filing onto the boats. Families are separated. Sad times at this. Cal is extremely frustrated looking for his woman. I really dont know why. I'd jump on a boat and peace her out. Actually I wouldnt. Who am I kidding?
Men are rushing trying to get on, and now....fist fights. Why are their fist fights? You are all about to die seriously, and fist fights. Guns being pulled and more axes. Wow. 1912 was crazy. Jack Swag apparantly knows all the back end stairwells. He is attempting to break through the gate. with a bench he ripped off the wall. Mission accomplished. Anddddd here we go. People are jumping. Little do they know its only 1:48 and they wont officially sink til about 2:53.Cops are pulling guns at the top, and I am not sure why. Apparantly trying to save yourself is not okay. This is so frigan confusing. Boats are lowering, and ropes are being cut. FIRE! Guns gone wild. Rose and Swag have got to the top deck, but the boats are sailing away. Keep playing that violin young chap. Some Orpheus is chosen for the next song.
"WOMEN AND CHILDREN ONLY," we are scolded. I have to wonder what is going on in Cal's head. Cal is told that Swag and Rose are looking for a boat on the other side of the ship. He has an oppurtunity to get on a boat, and he passes. Amazing act of courage. Just get on the boat man. Its bad enough. Dont do this to yourself.
The 6 year old that Swag said was his favorite girl has been placed on the boat with her ragaty anne doll. Rose GET ON THE BOAT. Cal comes over. Pushes Jack. He puts his coat on her, and Jack comes in and Cal acts like they are teammates. They both tell Rose to get on board. She gets on. Swag and Cal are talking about who is the better liar. Rose, confused and upset, looks frantically towards Jack as if she will never see his baby bottom face again. Cal looks at her like he hopes she freezes to death. Enter Celine music again. Rose says F this. Jumps out of the boat and back to the ship. She cannot live without Jack the Survivor who wont survive later. I'm not sure I can watch great films like Catch Me if You Can, Gang's of New York, The Beach or Don's Plum. Cal now has a gun and tires to shoot Rose or Jack. Poor guy is heartbroken but really...what is shooting them going to do for you? You are all going to die on the boat, and this is the worst thing ever.
Cal just realized he put a diamond in his coat pocket...but he put the coat on her. AWFUL. Swag and Rose find a young child crying and they are going to help him out. They get him, two seconds later, his father realizes he has a child, finds him and well they are found. Water bursts through the walls and I feel like Y2J's music should be playing. BREAK THE WALLLLLLLS DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unfortunately Rose is wearing too many colors to be see through at this point. Though they have swam to safety and trapped by the gate. Someone unlocks them....Why are the gates locked? Seriously, is there really even a ship? Its just foolish how made up all this is. I hate to disrespect the real victims of this, but can we think for a second...are we really going to listen to a 98 year old woman tell us she was a complete whore and a liar, and we shall believe anything she states about this event?
Anyway, keys are dropped they are underwater for 7-8 minutes searching for the key. Of course they find it. I mean, why wouldnt they. Back to the top they go. A boat just fell on people, water is rising, my hands are on fire from typing and Cal has finally decided that his life is more important to himself then anything else. I think.
People are now swinging from ropes into the ocean. Must be cold. This really stinks. Cal tries to offer money to get on a boat. He gets that thrown at him. A man is literally shot for trying to get on the boat. Thaaaaaaaaaaats real nice. One guy with a gun, 293,484 people trying to get on...yet they all listen. Its like a cop on the side of a highway and EVERYONE decides they need to go down slow.
Back to the movie, boats keep falling on people. Its a bit nutty. Children are crying. Cal is a father figure to him.
Rose and Swag are running through the boat.
The captain is offered a life vest, and he refuses. He says, you know what, if this ish goes down, then I will not abandon. He shuts the door and goes in. He is sinking with the ship. The violin players hug and go their separate ways. Might as well play Con Te Patiro at this point. Now that I think of it, how the hell are they playing My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion in 1912?
Thereeeeeeeeee they are. The old couple on the bed. Ruane...needs...tissues. Woman praying with her children as they sleep. This is starting to get depressing. Seriously. I feel bad. Violin guy jamming out, boat is 87.57% in the water. I've learned nothing about water pressure being too strong to pick the boat up.
People are hanging on to ropes, pianos, tables, other human beings, anything to stay alive at this point. We need Jim Ross to comentate this movie at this point. Because the water just crashed in through the windows where the captain is located. Can you picture it? "GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, THE WATER HAS BROKEN IN, AND ITS KILLED HIM. THE SHIP IS FULL OF CARNAGE."
Cagno points out that the music has changed from we are about to die, to action...save ur life.
Rose and Swag, welcome back. After all you are the focal point. HUGE BEAM FALLS ON hundreds. Good luck. That has to be one of the worst ways to go. Smashed Skull by a HUGE beam. Actually this whole thing...has to be the worst way to die.
Inside of the ship is completely destroyed. People are running to the top to stay dry. Others said, F it, and are jumping. Hail Mary is being said. Swag pulling Rose to the top, climbs over the railing and brings Rose with him. He thinks this is the Pirate Ship at Canobee Lake. Let me tell you, its not.
Rose: "Jack this is where we first met." Yes, Rose and thats probably where you will last see him.
Floating bodies int he water, and plates smashing. Man falls off and drills the propella. That one has GOT to hurt. Guy takes out a flask. Debating jumping.
Power is now gone from the boat. I wonder if it'll go back on. Boat is about to split in half as it sinks. I no longer think the power will go back on. Apparantly these two are wearing seatbelts bc they have the strength to hold on and watch the ride, while everyone falls to their death. For the love of God.
Wait for it...Wait for it......
The Titanic has officially sunk. Now, as a boat is sinking you would think this would cause people to go to the bottom. Nope. These two stay afloat. I guess because of the life jacket, but thats some mean pressure to deal with.
Entering the last half hour...Also known as the Final Chapter... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOvTzMktMfE
Rose swimming frantically looking for swag. Cant find him as another man tries to hang on to her for dear life. Swag out of nowhere, punches the dude in the face. This guy really is a hero among us. Call the Celtics. Halftime will never be the same.
They found a side of the boat or a door or something. Rose gets on. Swag stays in the water, to let half his bottom freeze. This guy is blowing his whistle and immediately makes me think of Blow my Whistle B*tch. People screaming looking for boats. Leader of the boat says, we cannot go back we will get swarmed by the people in the ocean. We will not survive.
Its getting quiet, Rose points out. That usually happens when people die in the ocean. Swag is shivering so bad he is not understandable. Not sure if thats a word. They both claim to love eachother, tho knowing eachother for about 48 hours. Then again, they already have more memories in two days then me and some of my ex gfs. Swag gives her confidence shes not going to die.
This is one of the worst conversations of all time. Never let go, ever. Eventually you have to let go...whether you die or live. You cannot go through life holding someones hand forever. You wont get a job.
One boat went back looking for survivors. Rose seems to be the only one. As they float through dead frozen people, I am creeped out. I hope that woman they just showed was a blow up doll because that was really disgusting and freaky. I dont ever want to go this way. Seriously. Rose is sleeping on the door, Jack is dead but holding her hand. Rose is singing, and her hair is frozen. This is really disturbing. She just found out Jack is dead. The boat is going by and she is trying to get them to track them down. After stating Jack at least 348 times, seriously, she finally accepts that he is dead. Sad moment. I wish she said Jack like 3 or 4 times though. Rose decides now the boat has gone by shes going to yell to the boat. She then says i'll never let go, and immediately drops him to drown into the ocean. She gets a magic whistle from the castle in World 1 in Mario 3.
They cut to 98 year old Rose. Shes giving statistical data on how many people died and all that stuff. Only 1 boat came back. the crowd is in tears. The more I think of it, Vince McMahon should run the World. Imagine that? Really. You wouldnt know WHAT to believe.
BRUCE STACHE HAS LIVED! Not sure how Rose has a warm dry blanket, but they cut to the next morning and they get on another boat.
On the other boat, Rose sees Cal, but lets him go. She informs others that he got married. Cal looking for his diamond walks away, sadly. He killed himself in 1929. Now its raining, and they are standing outside. I think I'd go inside, really. At this point. Rose claims her last name is Dawson, which was Jack's last name. Jack passed, and Rose said she hadn't spoken about Swag since he died. Jack saved Rose in every way that a person can be saved. She doesnt even have a picture of him, and he is just in her memory. Old Rose is on a boat and at the front of the railing standing up. Clearly not safe for her at this point. she has the Necklace in hand, and decides to release it and set it free into the ocean. Should have had Rod Stewart end this one with FOREVER YOUNG. Instead, they show a bunch of pictures of her trying to be Marilyn Monroe, and again...My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion. Dead or Dreaming, she sees Swag again, and shes young. Its the only way to go. They kiss, people clap, Well, everyone except Cal. I'm officially crazy after this last 4 hours and refuse to go to sleep until I watch this again, and rewrite my feelings.
I dont know or understand why you cannot see the titantic today. I get it. Its underground. Far underground. But we should at this point be able to pick the boat up and see some stuff. Afterall, we have HDTV, Lazer surgeries, and Snuggies. Moral of this story: Your best chance of surviving the Titanic was if you had money.
Goodnight Moon.
Love,
Matt
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
World Cup Update
The World Cup is absolutely awesome. How can you not enjoy this? Anyway, 8 more teams ousted, and that leaves 8 teams left. Here is a list of the next set of games (represented by their owners)
Best of luck to all remaining squads and people. But as most of you know, I've been saying it for the past 2.5 years. You cannot sleep on Uruguay. I somehow pulled them out of luck. I've been a diehard Uruguay soccer fan for a few years now, and they are gonna take it. "Bend it like Suarez" is finally starting to be heard. Way better then bend it like beckam...which is so not cool that I won't even quote that phrase. Suarez for life.
Friday 10:00 AM
Netherlands (Disessa)
vs
Brazil (Rogers)
Friday 2:30 PM
Uruguay (Prisco)
vs
Ghana (Andrew)
Saturday 10:00 AM
Argentina (Albert)
vs
Germany (Katie)
Saturday 2:30PM
Paraguay (Chang)
vs
Spain (Lenny)
vs
Brazil (Rogers)
Friday 2:30 PM
Uruguay (Prisco)
vs
Ghana (Andrew)
Saturday 10:00 AM
Argentina (Albert)
vs
Germany (Katie)
Saturday 2:30PM
Paraguay (Chang)
vs
Spain (Lenny)
Best of luck to all remaining squads and people. But as most of you know, I've been saying it for the past 2.5 years. You cannot sleep on Uruguay. I somehow pulled them out of luck. I've been a diehard Uruguay soccer fan for a few years now, and they are gonna take it. "Bend it like Suarez" is finally starting to be heard. Way better then bend it like beckam...which is so not cool that I won't even quote that phrase. Suarez for life.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
World's Reaction to Landon Donovan's Game Winning Goal
Well since Italy is out and I'm done being bitter about, I turn my attention to the USA, who I don't think will win this, but if they ever did, it would probably top the Miracle on Ice. I think if they ever somehow won the World Cup, it would be the single greatest feat for The United States as a country in a sporting event. And how do you not get behind them after seeing this video and the champs being knocked out. I don't know. I can't do it. Gotta love your country for this one (Thanks to Stephanie Prince for the video):
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Forza Italia!
Today is the day Italy needs to step up and win a game to advance. Enough said. No more messing around. Show some kind of offense, please.
Other notes:
Other notes:
- If the Celtics can get rid of Kendrick Perkins and their pick to move up in the draft tonight, I am all for it. I'm not a Perk fan. Never was. Never will be. You commit a foul everytime its called, despite what you think. You are a waste of size. I hate you. You are the Hal Gil of basketball. Great, you play Dwight Howard well, but you can't play anybody else.
- I was watching the Kardshian Story yesterday on E. They were really trying to make it seem like they had a tough upbringing. Eat a dick, please. You have no idea.
- I can't wait to go back to work Monday. It's going to be great. It may cut down my tpd (tweets per day) but I get to listen to Toucher and Rich in the mornings again, and that alone will be well worth it.
- I don't appreciate late night texts from Jenna Shaffer talking about Rockies baseball. Especially when they just beat the Red Sox. However, at least I know baseball still exists in Colorado. Enjoy it now. We usually do in October.
- I'm running a 16 team single elimination world cup pool. 20 bucks a pop. Pick a team out of a hat. Thats your team to win it. If you want in, let me know, fast.
- I was in Barnes and Noble the other day and saw Fantasy Football Magazines. I'm getting excited. September is almost here. Notre Dame and the NFL. Not a better time of year. Well, March is better, because that's the best month of all time but...
- I'm in desperate need for a good video for this blog. This weekend will be it. Big things to come. Promise.
- I have got to go, Italy is starting in 10 minutes. As I started this blog, well, I'll end it the same way. FORZA ITALIA!!!!!!!!!! LETS F'N GO!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Weekend Update
I feel terrible right now, so this could be the worst blog of all time. Sorry in advance. I'll try my best to keep you entertained.
Friday night I went to see my dude, Manny Ramirez, and sat in some pretty incredible seats; Right next to Tommy Lasorda and the Dodger Owners. No big deal. One of the best parts of the night was before the game even started. A kid comes up to Tommy asking for an autograph. The kid didn't say please. Tommy got pretty angry and told him to have some manners and say the world please. And thank you. But signed it. Five minutes later some kid came down and did the same thing. Tommy snapped. "What the hell is wrong with all of you kids?" HAHAHA he went ballistic on a 15 year old. He refused to sign the autograph. Security was laughing, we were laughing (but terrified of him) and even the owners were laughing. Good times.
Anyway, the game was great. I got to rock a Mannywood jersey into Fenway, but I did cheer for the Sox. I wanted Manny to go yard, but he waited until Saturday to do that.
Manny ended up going 1-5 with a single...but I got in on video, so here you go:
The rest of the weekend came and went. Had its ups and downs. Got completely drenched in a monsoon during the middle of our softball game. I am still trying to dry off. I went into target, yelling WOW, THAT'S A LOW PRICE, but deleted the video by accident. I went to eat 34 times, and went in a jacuzzi.
Lastly, John Cena lost the WWE title to Shamus last night. In a match where Randy Orton was involved, I am still trying to figure out how they screwed the Viper. I mean, give me a break. Nobody gets up from RKO's so I know something must have happened. I'll have to watch my stories tonight, with a little more focus than usual. Raw BETTER start out with this: "I hear voices in my head...."
Friday night I went to see my dude, Manny Ramirez, and sat in some pretty incredible seats; Right next to Tommy Lasorda and the Dodger Owners. No big deal. One of the best parts of the night was before the game even started. A kid comes up to Tommy asking for an autograph. The kid didn't say please. Tommy got pretty angry and told him to have some manners and say the world please. And thank you. But signed it. Five minutes later some kid came down and did the same thing. Tommy snapped. "What the hell is wrong with all of you kids?" HAHAHA he went ballistic on a 15 year old. He refused to sign the autograph. Security was laughing, we were laughing (but terrified of him) and even the owners were laughing. Good times.
Anyway, the game was great. I got to rock a Mannywood jersey into Fenway, but I did cheer for the Sox. I wanted Manny to go yard, but he waited until Saturday to do that.
Manny ended up going 1-5 with a single...but I got in on video, so here you go:
The rest of the weekend came and went. Had its ups and downs. Got completely drenched in a monsoon during the middle of our softball game. I am still trying to dry off. I went into target, yelling WOW, THAT'S A LOW PRICE, but deleted the video by accident. I went to eat 34 times, and went in a jacuzzi.
Lastly, John Cena lost the WWE title to Shamus last night. In a match where Randy Orton was involved, I am still trying to figure out how they screwed the Viper. I mean, give me a break. Nobody gets up from RKO's so I know something must have happened. I'll have to watch my stories tonight, with a little more focus than usual. Raw BETTER start out with this: "I hear voices in my head...."
Friday, June 18, 2010
Welcome Back Manny Ramirez!
Tonight is the night I have waited for since I saw the schedule. Everyone knows that I have been sick to my stomach since Theo traded Manny. And why? Well you just look at why. They have not been the same team offensively without him. Some called him a cancer, some said he was the problem, and I say shutup. If you want to complain about 35 homeruns, 120 rbis and being the absolute man because he didn't run every ground ball out, well, that can be your own issue.
I love this guy. And I will be rocking my Mannywood T shirt into Fenway tonight as I sit right behind the LA dugout. I cannot wait to see him come back. And I hope he hits a Homerun to win the game. That would make my life.
I will be giving him a standing ovation everytime I can. He brought baseball to Boston and made things fun again. I love you, ManRam. That's right. I love him.
Absolute Legend:
I love this guy. And I will be rocking my Mannywood T shirt into Fenway tonight as I sit right behind the LA dugout. I cannot wait to see him come back. And I hope he hits a Homerun to win the game. That would make my life.
I will be giving him a standing ovation everytime I can. He brought baseball to Boston and made things fun again. I love you, ManRam. That's right. I love him.
Absolute Legend:
Game 7
Well, it's over now. As I watched the final seconds tick off the clock last night, I had a sick knot in my stomach, and I couldn't speak. Walking down the street with a bunch of angry, depressed Celtic's fans was the alternative to the celebration we all were waiting to have.
I really felt sick going into Game 7. Originally, I did not feel good about it. Something told me that the Lakers were going to take it...but it all turned about 3 hours before game time. This was the Celt's night. And the way the game was being played, it was.
But, I'll give the Lakers credit. They earned the championship. Say what you want, but they went out and got it and the Celtics looked like their legs cost them towards the end. Up 12 points in the second half, and not being able to hold on causes you to know that you let the game slip out of your own hands. The Lakers made plays when they needed to. Congrats to them.
It was a great series with a terrible ending. At least that is how I'll look at it. Game 7, coming down to the final minute. What more can you really ask for in a game? Yes a win. I get it. But hey, at least we can know a few things now:
I really felt sick going into Game 7. Originally, I did not feel good about it. Something told me that the Lakers were going to take it...but it all turned about 3 hours before game time. This was the Celt's night. And the way the game was being played, it was.
But, I'll give the Lakers credit. They earned the championship. Say what you want, but they went out and got it and the Celtics looked like their legs cost them towards the end. Up 12 points in the second half, and not being able to hold on causes you to know that you let the game slip out of your own hands. The Lakers made plays when they needed to. Congrats to them.
It was a great series with a terrible ending. At least that is how I'll look at it. Game 7, coming down to the final minute. What more can you really ask for in a game? Yes a win. I get it. But hey, at least we can know a few things now:
- Can we put to rest the "Who is a better player: Kobe or LeBron" argument now? Kobe is up 5-0 on him. WITH RINGS. And I do not care. If you really think LeBron is a better player, I think you are a clown and your opinion means nothing to me. How about that? Get off my blog if you don't like it.
- The Celts need to re-sign Scal. If for no other reason, because the crowd gets all juiced up when he comes in. Now, with that said, I want to see Scal in blow out games, not close ones. But he always does his job. Gives you 100% effort. I wouldn't mind having the guy around as a 10th, or 11th guy off the bench.
- Who is better than Ron Artest? Not as a basketball player. It actually made me sick that he stuck the dagger in the Celtics last night with that 3 pointer at the end. But the postgame interview. Seriously? Thanking your hood and your psychiatrist. This guy is a certified mental case, and now has a ring. Gotta love this part:
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Hey Boston, You forgot about Game 6, Huh?
What a disgrace. I mean, I get it, your up 3-2 going back to L.A., we only need to win one of two. Perk goes down. Probably tired from a cross country flight, blah blah blah. No. If you want to be the champs, you don't go out and throw up a complete stinkbomb like that. I'm terrified for game 7 now.
I know we have veterans who can win on the road in these situations, but MY GOD did we get owned last night. I just hope that doesn't happen again. And for the record, I refuse to go to Bostonville for game 7. They are 0-2 against LA in the finals when I go there. Forget about it.
I'm terrified of Kobe in game 7. That is all I will say about that.
Moving on:
I know we have veterans who can win on the road in these situations, but MY GOD did we get owned last night. I just hope that doesn't happen again. And for the record, I refuse to go to Bostonville for game 7. They are 0-2 against LA in the finals when I go there. Forget about it.
I'm terrified of Kobe in game 7. That is all I will say about that.
Moving on:
- My job right now is fantasy baseball. My team stinks. I can't get over it because I have no excuse to be terrible.
- My mom came home from Florida. Thank God. I have 87 pounds of laundry, and I've been drying off with paper towels after showers.
- I hate voicemail. I mean, really what is the point? Just text me. Especially from my mom. I've told her 100 times do not leave a vm because all she says is: "Hi Matt. It's mom. Call me back. Bye." Thanks Ma. Got that from the missed call.
- Only 3 softball games left
- Only 86 days until Notre Dame football kicks off.
- I can jam my dick down your throat, but i cannot jelly it.
- Wendys Nuggets are the best things on earth
- I could list things all day. In fact, I like this. This gave me an idea for a blog soon to come.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Where the F is Paraguay?
Can somebody just let me know where this country is. Is someone from there called a Paraguayian? Did Italy really just tie them? And not just tie them...THANK GOD they tied them. I'm concerned for the Champs. This is not looking good. Looked a bit slow, and sluggish today. Buffon, the stud old goalie, pulled a hamstring when he had to do absolutely nothing in net today, and now they have a minor league goaltender in there. Awesome.
Sunday vs Slovakia...I just hope its better than that stuff I saw today.
Pride continues on. I want to see this again.
Sunday vs Slovakia...I just hope its better than that stuff I saw today.
Pride continues on. I want to see this again.
Get out..Please.
Go back to Animal Planet you Fucking Llama.
I'm also terrified to write about how great we looked. Going back to LA, I would love to start the "Get the duckboats ready, but I'm not going that far. Yet. We are in good shape. Gotta win one of two. I think we can do it. That's all I'm saying.
And I'm riding Rondo all the way to the trophy. (Please for the love of God)
I'm also terrified to write about how great we looked. Going back to LA, I would love to start the "Get the duckboats ready, but I'm not going that far. Yet. We are in good shape. Gotta win one of two. I think we can do it. That's all I'm saying.
And I'm riding Rondo all the way to the trophy. (Please for the love of God)
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Get Big for Game 5
Big Baby (Shrek) and Nate Rob (Donkey) are ready to spark the bench again tonight, as seen in this video. (This is not really Glen Davis or Nate Robinson. It is really me wearing a Shrek mask, Brett wearing a Donkey mask, jumping on my back, and me spitting water all over his floor.)
Friday, June 11, 2010
A whole lot of Blog
Last night was frigan amazing at the Garden. I mean seriously. I have no voice whatsoever today, and I am perfectly fine with that (at least this time, I will know why I have no voice for the next week, unlike Philly).
So Will pulls off winning a twitter contest to win Celtics tickets for last night from Shelden Williams. I helped him win by tweeting Shelden like a lunatic. When he won, he found he got 3 tickets. Will took me and my brother, Laker fan. I immediately asked him not to wear Laker gear because if one fan said something to him, I was the one that was going to throw down. And lets just say...the last thing I need right now is to get in a fight at the Garden and end up in jail. Thankfully, he didn't.
As we sat at Halftime Pizza (still the best place in Boston) drinking 32 ounce beers and eating two slices of pizza for 15 bucks (best deal in America), we went back and forth talking about how this was real/not real. Convinced that we were not really getting tickets and this was some ticket scam, my brother was plotting where we were going to watch the game. Greatest Bar? Harp?
So here is video number 1:
After we ended up getting the tickets...tell me how sick THIS is:
So we got to meet Shelden Williams after the game. More to come on this.
Then we walk in, and its time for us to be loud, crazy, weird...ya know, my normal life. Complete maniac/lunatic style. As we sit there, we took some pictures, met up with Stephanie for a bit, got on the big screen, yelled things, and got all amped up til the starting lineups came out. I cannot explain to you how fired up I was. I mean, I've been to playoff games before. But never the NBA Finals; against the Lakers too. Can't beat that stuff. And I was there for absolutely nothing. As the crowd filed in, we started to notice that everyone around us were the players family. We were sitting next to Marquis Daniels' fam, Big Baby's brother and two friends were in front of us, Scal's brother (exact same haircut) sat 2 rows in front of us. Legendary stuff.
Starting Lineup time:
Now as most of you saw the game, I don't need to go crazy recap but...I will say this. The first half was played like a woman's basketball game. I remember looking up at the big screen and seeing Celtics 28 - Lakers 27 5:48 to play in the 2nd quarter. Really? Ugly play. But whatever. It was close. That's all that matters.
At halftime we decided to walk around the concourse. We got outside where we see the following people walking around:
Seriously, I loved last nights game. The bench carried us when we needed it. The starters were struggling, and it gave them a HUGE rest that allowed them to close it out the right way. Huge win. The Garden was rocking and it was as loud as I have ever heard it. It was amazing. One of the greatest experiences of my life. This slightly edged the Dino Radja, Dana Barrows days at Celtics games. Slightly. (I still miss Antoine)
And when we get a Celtics win...we get GINO:
After the game we get to meet Shelden Williams, who I must say is actually a pretty good dude. He hooked us up and then took the time to meet us. After my brother declined to take a photo with him (Sorry Mike, didn't realize you were bigger than him in life...bitter about the game), me and Will took pics with him. I took the WORST picture of my life. I mean, I look like a COMPLETE dick kisser. Look at me. Wow. Way to look like a complete tool, Matt. Unbelievable.
Although the cool part about this was after we took a few pictures on our cameras, Shelden gave my brother his cell phone and asked to take a picture of the three of us. He posted it on his twitter, which I thought was pretty cool.
Series tied at 2. HUGE game Sunday. I suggest you all come to Good Wood's softball game and then head out to watch game 5 afterwards, as we take out Keith Ivy for his birthday that was last week when he was in Cali. Gonna be a blast...oh yeah...Speaking of Keith Ivy...saw him last night at the game. Bro...bad enough you are secretly rooting for the Lakers but...Pau Gasol??? COME ON MANNNNNNNNNNNNN:
So Will pulls off winning a twitter contest to win Celtics tickets for last night from Shelden Williams. I helped him win by tweeting Shelden like a lunatic. When he won, he found he got 3 tickets. Will took me and my brother, Laker fan. I immediately asked him not to wear Laker gear because if one fan said something to him, I was the one that was going to throw down. And lets just say...the last thing I need right now is to get in a fight at the Garden and end up in jail. Thankfully, he didn't.
As we sat at Halftime Pizza (still the best place in Boston) drinking 32 ounce beers and eating two slices of pizza for 15 bucks (best deal in America), we went back and forth talking about how this was real/not real. Convinced that we were not really getting tickets and this was some ticket scam, my brother was plotting where we were going to watch the game. Greatest Bar? Harp?
So here is video number 1:
After we ended up getting the tickets...tell me how sick THIS is:
So we got to meet Shelden Williams after the game. More to come on this.Then we walk in, and its time for us to be loud, crazy, weird...ya know, my normal life. Complete maniac/lunatic style. As we sit there, we took some pictures, met up with Stephanie for a bit, got on the big screen, yelled things, and got all amped up til the starting lineups came out. I cannot explain to you how fired up I was. I mean, I've been to playoff games before. But never the NBA Finals; against the Lakers too. Can't beat that stuff. And I was there for absolutely nothing. As the crowd filed in, we started to notice that everyone around us were the players family. We were sitting next to Marquis Daniels' fam, Big Baby's brother and two friends were in front of us, Scal's brother (exact same haircut) sat 2 rows in front of us. Legendary stuff.
Starting Lineup time:
Now as most of you saw the game, I don't need to go crazy recap but...I will say this. The first half was played like a woman's basketball game. I remember looking up at the big screen and seeing Celtics 28 - Lakers 27 5:48 to play in the 2nd quarter. Really? Ugly play. But whatever. It was close. That's all that matters.
At halftime we decided to walk around the concourse. We got outside where we see the following people walking around:
- Marc Gasol (absolute monster and he was all dolled up. Well, as dolled up as Marc Gasol could be)
- Gary Guyton
- Shelly Smith (where I immediately yelled, "Well I guess the camera doesn't add 10 pounds" She definitely heard me.)
- Darius Butler (The guy is literally my size. Like arms and everything. And he was in line to get chicken fingers and fries. Will noticed him. I didnt believe him. Then he was sitting with Gary Guyton and Wilfork so...it was definitely him.)
- And my favorite: Mark Sanchez. He was walking through the hallway alone. I immediately yell MARK SANCHEZ. He was not happy. Everyone started turning around wanting pictures and stuff. He just wanted to get away from everyone. Hahaha. Sorry Mark Sanchez. When my blog becomes way more important than your stupid life, you will not ever be mentioned. USC completely sucks and the sanctions blog is coming soon. I didn't forget.
Seriously, I loved last nights game. The bench carried us when we needed it. The starters were struggling, and it gave them a HUGE rest that allowed them to close it out the right way. Huge win. The Garden was rocking and it was as loud as I have ever heard it. It was amazing. One of the greatest experiences of my life. This slightly edged the Dino Radja, Dana Barrows days at Celtics games. Slightly. (I still miss Antoine)
And when we get a Celtics win...we get GINO:
After the game we get to meet Shelden Williams, who I must say is actually a pretty good dude. He hooked us up and then took the time to meet us. After my brother declined to take a photo with him (Sorry Mike, didn't realize you were bigger than him in life...bitter about the game), me and Will took pics with him. I took the WORST picture of my life. I mean, I look like a COMPLETE dick kisser. Look at me. Wow. Way to look like a complete tool, Matt. Unbelievable.
Although the cool part about this was after we took a few pictures on our cameras, Shelden gave my brother his cell phone and asked to take a picture of the three of us. He posted it on his twitter, which I thought was pretty cool.
Series tied at 2. HUGE game Sunday. I suggest you all come to Good Wood's softball game and then head out to watch game 5 afterwards, as we take out Keith Ivy for his birthday that was last week when he was in Cali. Gonna be a blast...oh yeah...Speaking of Keith Ivy...saw him last night at the game. Bro...bad enough you are secretly rooting for the Lakers but...Pau Gasol??? COME ON MANNNNNNNNNNNNN:
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
I love Golden Tate
I mean in all honesty, how do people not love Notre Dame? This is Wide Receiver, Golden Tate who was drunk at a bar, left the bar, and wanted to go eat some donuts...JUST LIKE ANY OTHER NORMAL PERSON WOULD. Hahahahaha, that a boy Golden. Always making me proud! (Tate was drafted by the Seattle Seahawks in this years draft).PS...this lady should have been arrested for not knowing who Golden Tate was, and not just making him some eggs.
911 call about Golden Tate - Irish Fan Network Audio track - The place for Notre Dame sports fans
Trying to Start Meatloaf Mondays
I need to get Brett into my stories so we can start Meatloaf Monday. I mean, then everyone's favorite day of the week would be Monday. Meatloaf and Monday Night Raw? THAT is serious.
Now, I'm not sure that people really understand how good this is. This is seriously the best thing I've ever tasted. And who knew? Who knew that someone could make Meatloaf my favorite meal? I mean, I would never order Meatloaf when out to dinner, never smile when my mom or family made it, and I definitely don't make food myself so I am not trying to make that.
Well look at this:
How amazing is this. Let me try to describe without changing my clothes. The cheese inside the meatloaf with some taste of awesomeness makes you not even want to swallow it. You just want to savor the moment, like a complete whore or ex girlfriend depending on what you've dated.
I usually devour food...not last night. I just sat there, and ate so slow. I don't know what to do. It reminded me of the time when I had a sunburn so bad that I couldn't move and I would just sit in a chair until my mom physically moved me. Only this time, it was my choice.
So lets all take a second to just look at this photo and taste it. Thank you.
Also, look how happy meatloaf makes everyone:
Brett is so happy to have meatloaf (and i didnt say ANYTHING)
Ashley just made the best meal and she knows it
I love you two. Good people. And now on to my quick little rant about how the Celtics officially STUNK last night.
I'm sick of everyone blaming the officials for everything. We get it. They stink. Guess what? They have stunk in 95% of games this year. Deal with it. You are never going to win a game when Ray Allen goes 0-13 in a game and especially when Paul Pierce hasn't joined the team in the Finals yet. What the hell, Pierce? You want to be an all time great? Start playing like one. Even Kobe's bad games...he is there. Doing everything. Pierce flat out disappears.
And to Doc Rivers. Can you...for the love of God, not put Tony Allen, Rondo, and Perk on the floor at the same time please? ESPECIALLY when Ray Allen is 0 for the night. That means you have 4 guys out there who do not want to take jumpshots. Okay, I'll take that back because Tony Allen will take any shot anytime, but he isn't going to hit it. So please...this is the NBA Finals, and you are playing a team that will own you with stupid moves like that.
I am not confident in this series, but then again, I lost confidence in January when they were getting run out of their home building by the Memphis Grizzlies. Thursday and Sunday just became must wins, or they can say goodnight. I think they can do that. So let's start there. Thursday and Sunday. Please win, because one thing happened last night that really upset me. You ruined the best erection I have ever had from an athlete. Kevin Garnett played out of his mind and just when everyone kept saying he was done, he shows hes still got something in there. Loved it. So thanks KG for the good stuff.
(PS - I just wrote this blog while listening to Eminem's - Recovery CD. Off...the...hook).
Now, I'm not sure that people really understand how good this is. This is seriously the best thing I've ever tasted. And who knew? Who knew that someone could make Meatloaf my favorite meal? I mean, I would never order Meatloaf when out to dinner, never smile when my mom or family made it, and I definitely don't make food myself so I am not trying to make that.
Well look at this:
How amazing is this. Let me try to describe without changing my clothes. The cheese inside the meatloaf with some taste of awesomeness makes you not even want to swallow it. You just want to savor the moment, like a complete whore or ex girlfriend depending on what you've dated.I usually devour food...not last night. I just sat there, and ate so slow. I don't know what to do. It reminded me of the time when I had a sunburn so bad that I couldn't move and I would just sit in a chair until my mom physically moved me. Only this time, it was my choice.
So lets all take a second to just look at this photo and taste it. Thank you.
Also, look how happy meatloaf makes everyone:
Brett is so happy to have meatloaf (and i didnt say ANYTHING)
Ashley just made the best meal and she knows itI love you two. Good people. And now on to my quick little rant about how the Celtics officially STUNK last night.
I'm sick of everyone blaming the officials for everything. We get it. They stink. Guess what? They have stunk in 95% of games this year. Deal with it. You are never going to win a game when Ray Allen goes 0-13 in a game and especially when Paul Pierce hasn't joined the team in the Finals yet. What the hell, Pierce? You want to be an all time great? Start playing like one. Even Kobe's bad games...he is there. Doing everything. Pierce flat out disappears.
And to Doc Rivers. Can you...for the love of God, not put Tony Allen, Rondo, and Perk on the floor at the same time please? ESPECIALLY when Ray Allen is 0 for the night. That means you have 4 guys out there who do not want to take jumpshots. Okay, I'll take that back because Tony Allen will take any shot anytime, but he isn't going to hit it. So please...this is the NBA Finals, and you are playing a team that will own you with stupid moves like that.
I am not confident in this series, but then again, I lost confidence in January when they were getting run out of their home building by the Memphis Grizzlies. Thursday and Sunday just became must wins, or they can say goodnight. I think they can do that. So let's start there. Thursday and Sunday. Please win, because one thing happened last night that really upset me. You ruined the best erection I have ever had from an athlete. Kevin Garnett played out of his mind and just when everyone kept saying he was done, he shows hes still got something in there. Loved it. So thanks KG for the good stuff.
(PS - I just wrote this blog while listening to Eminem's - Recovery CD. Off...the...hook).
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
TOP 5
Alright people. I have made it to the top 5 with all your help. Now, we need to vote again and take this. All you have to do is go on the site, (I'm now photo number 3) and write Matthew in the comment section below.
http://photos.tmz.com/galleries/tmzs_gnarly_navel_contest/page/2#tab=most_recent
Why vote? Because this is normal behavior for a bar:
http://photos.tmz.com/galleries/tmzs_gnarly_navel_contest/page/2#tab=most_recent
Why vote? Because this is normal behavior for a bar:
Monday, June 7, 2010
My Weekend
So lets just say that I had one hell of a weekend. And I'm very very tired. I am going to post some videos and all that later in the blog, but first I need to update you on the strangest frigan show I've ever seen in my life. As Diana and Tim joined me last night in watching the Celtics game...we switched over to MTV, which officially doesn't play music and has gone completely insane after this show: The Hard Times of RJ Berger. Now, I decided after watching a half hour of this insanity that this is something I would DEFINITELY watch...ya know, as long as it wasn't on the same time as Monday Night Raw. But if you haven't seen it...watch it. It's...It's...It's something else.
Now weekend stuff. Harpoonfest on Saturday. Pretty fun. Pretty hot. I got to Ice Katharine with probably the warmest smirnoff ice in the history of warmness. I mean seriously. They werent warm to begin with, then I snuck it in to Harpoonfest (which was a solid 85 degrees at least, sat in my pocket for a few hours before I even gave it to her. To her credit, she took it like a champ. And threw the bottle after. Nice work.
(Don't drink Absinthe by the way. It tastes gross. My roommate Adam, who is a certified dickhead and you will find out later why, got some from his friend who somehow found a way to get it here. And if you do drink it, don't start your day with it. It's not exactly a pregame drink.)
This is also a good time to put in that the Celtics played very well last night. Despite the officials being terrible yet again (both ways - and even Kobe had 3 fouls called him when there was no contact made), the Celts found a way to tie the series up at 1. Big. They were not winning 4 out of 5 to win the series against LA. Just wasn't going to happen. So now, do the job at home. We got this.
Last tidbit:
Dave Matthews Sucks. Enjoy the show tonight for those who are going. I'll be watching a special THREE hour show of Monday Night Raw. And its the first ever fan appreciation night, and we the fans get to vote on all the matches. I've been voting like a madman to have John Cena vs John Cena in a career ending match. That way, that loser won't be seen anymore. RKO's all night.
ROLL THE TAPE (some random and icing videos from the weekend. Chang you will seriously pay for your late night ice. That is not a joke. May the games begin.)
Escalatorrrrrrr
Brown Pen?
Late Night Icing done to Me
First Family Ice
Now weekend stuff. Harpoonfest on Saturday. Pretty fun. Pretty hot. I got to Ice Katharine with probably the warmest smirnoff ice in the history of warmness. I mean seriously. They werent warm to begin with, then I snuck it in to Harpoonfest (which was a solid 85 degrees at least, sat in my pocket for a few hours before I even gave it to her. To her credit, she took it like a champ. And threw the bottle after. Nice work.
(Don't drink Absinthe by the way. It tastes gross. My roommate Adam, who is a certified dickhead and you will find out later why, got some from his friend who somehow found a way to get it here. And if you do drink it, don't start your day with it. It's not exactly a pregame drink.)
This is also a good time to put in that the Celtics played very well last night. Despite the officials being terrible yet again (both ways - and even Kobe had 3 fouls called him when there was no contact made), the Celts found a way to tie the series up at 1. Big. They were not winning 4 out of 5 to win the series against LA. Just wasn't going to happen. So now, do the job at home. We got this.
Last tidbit:
Dave Matthews Sucks. Enjoy the show tonight for those who are going. I'll be watching a special THREE hour show of Monday Night Raw. And its the first ever fan appreciation night, and we the fans get to vote on all the matches. I've been voting like a madman to have John Cena vs John Cena in a career ending match. That way, that loser won't be seen anymore. RKO's all night.
ROLL THE TAPE (some random and icing videos from the weekend. Chang you will seriously pay for your late night ice. That is not a joke. May the games begin.)
Escalatorrrrrrr
Brown Pen?
Late Night Icing done to Me
First Family Ice
TMZ -- Where you at?
So everyone needs to go to this link, and vote for number 73. I want to win this, so I can then look at everyone and say Jokes On You Bitches. (I'm up there twice 71 and 73, but you need to vote for 73!!!!)
How to vote: in the comments section write that you want to cast your vote for #73!
Click this link to see the Contest!
Please? I mean...I did this because I lost a bet, and now I want to end it with me winning a bet:
How to vote: in the comments section write that you want to cast your vote for #73!
Click this link to see the Contest!
Please? I mean...I did this because I lost a bet, and now I want to end it with me winning a bet:
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