Cinco De 30th b-day

As I said in my brother's wedding speech, the first time I saw Linda was during warm ups of my city league basketball game. Here I am, in the middle of layup lines, when in walks my brother and this new chick on his arm. "Wonder which one it is this week," I said to myself. Well, it turned out to be his now wife, and baby's mama.

That was about 12 years ago, so I've known you for nearly 46% of your life. You've seen me at my finest; puberty stages, getting my permit and then immediately driving my moms car into a gravestone at the cemetery about 14 minutes later, and running naked around the house (literally) if my sister brought home a guy that I wasn't a fan of, hoping that he would never return. Yup, my sister-in-law has most likely seen my penis roughly 32 times. Welcome to my life.

Well today, I have decided to wish you a happy birthday in a unique way. I'll blog about you. I mean, afterall, it is your 30th. Lets go back in time, shall we? We shall. Shalom.

I remember how much my mom hated you when you first started dating my brother. I mean, throwing a massive party, getting in trouble with the cops. My brother didn't even know what a cop was. That was cute.

Remember the time that you walked in the house with giant sunglasses on because your eyes were practically swollen shut from some lotion you used? That was hysterical. Your face was purple and looked like a grape. HAHA, I still remember nearly choking on my corn pops. I had to have my pops. You had to have your tan. Gracious.

How about the time we won free Woo-Woo's the SECOND we got on a cruise a few years back? The contest was, who could be the loudest human being during a bartender skill showdown. Well I won the first, naturally. And then Linda entered and won herself, naturally. We can yell, scream and do our thing huh.

The countless ridiculous things you have come up with over the years have ultimately been my favorite. Watching College Gameday with Kirk Herbstreit and Lee Corso as they do their picks on who will win the game, and the question was "who has a better chance to lose today, USC or Ohio State?" Both said, "Neither", so the ticker down bottom said Kirk > Neither Lee> Neither. Linda looks straight at my brother and says, "wait they are brothers?" WHAT? And the explanation tops it off: "It says Kirk and Lee Neither." UNBELIEVABLE. Too good in fact. And that's just one of a million.

But then again, that's the difference between you and everyone else. You are just one of a million. My brother couldn't have picked me a better sister, wife for him, and mother for his children. You have done more for me than anyone outside of my mom and brother over the years and I will never forget that. You have been the one I go to talk to for advice/therapy sessions, the one that always has my back and takes my side, and can always depend on for a good time when you are around. You are the first to ask if I need anything and to tell me to shutup when I'm wrong. And from day 1, you have always given me the sex eye, so I know you think I'm more attractive then Mike. Kidding. Kind of.

I love you Lynn. Happy Birthday. Though you are 30 now, you are no longer just a MILF, but now you are a COUGAR as well. Congratulations. I hope you have a good one. I love you!